


Some Friendly Advice

by fancypearl



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: (it's mild), (psst it's peggy), Chronic Illness, Domestic Violence, Dubious Consent, Eliza will fight anyone who hurts alex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Hurt Alexander, Hurt/Comfort, Jamilton is abusive in this fic because I was mean to Lee in my last one, Jemmy isn't aware what's going on but he's a little sus, John didn't sign up to be a therapist but here he is, M/M, Modern Era, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Thomas is not nice, he's a good guy, injuries, more tags when the story develops, somewhat.. they text, text au, the washingtons are alex's foster parents, this is a weird premise but give a try
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 11:08:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 36,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10333301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancypearl/pseuds/fancypearl
Summary: John Laurens lives a relatively mundane life with his two roommates, Hercules and Lafayette; he is notoriously bad at dating, he lives for his job, and he's mellowed out almost TOO much after college.But when John receives a text message from an unknown number one day, it becomes apparent that the person is in an abusive relationship and doesn't quite know how to escape it- he decides to help the stranger out.Meanwhile, Alex is just trying to survive.. Not knowing what will set his boyfriend Thomas off next.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I'm not totally sure about this yet but I really like the idea of this story. If you read my last story Now That You're Here, you're probably wondering how the hell I had so much time to write this new fic when I still have to write the epilogue for my last fic.
> 
> Well, I'm on spring break.. and I'm not planning on updating this one till I have more planned out (which will be a week, don't fret) and I want to post the epilogue on my birthday so *shrug emoji*
> 
> Please NOTE I am not very nice to Thomas in this fic, so this isn't a Jamilton fic (I truly do actually like Jamilton), Charles Lee was the bad guy in my last fic so I decided to switch it up.
> 
> Also there is domestic violence in this fanfiction. I have first hand experience with this because I was in a emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive relationship.

John's days off were usually uneventful. He'd been accused multiple times of being 'boring' after college (most of these accusations came from Lafayette).. And maybe that was slightly true. He'd lived it up during college, barely making it into nursing school because he'd rather skip his freshman English class and sleep in. 

However, this day had started off strangely eventful and he didn't quite know if that was a good sign or a sign that something was amiss. 

When he opened the fridge that morning, he was shocked to see they were all out of milk (aside from Hercules almond milk, but it would be a cold day in hell before he willingly ate a bowl of cocoa puffs with ALMOND MILK). That was pretty unusual, considering that Lafayette didn't drink much milk- and well.. Hercules and his almond milk.. John was nonetheless confused about where all the milk went. 

It wasn't until he felt a something soft and furry move across his bare feet, did he realize that something was certainly different in his mundane apartment. He, however, did not expect to see a small orange kitten at his feet when he looked down. 

The scream he let out was loud, and certainly higher than he would like to admit. He took a few steps back as the kitten looked up at him, adorably confused. 

That's when his foot tipped over a bowl of milk (his milk), and the contents spilled all over his hard tiled floor. 

"LAFAYETTE.. HERCULES!" He screamed, not paying any mind to the fact that his neighbors would definitely be reporting him to the landlord- the scream definitely woke up everyone in his apartment complex. 

He heard the shuffling of his friends' footsteps down the hallway and when he turned around four wide, brown eyes were peeking around the corner to look at him. He wordlessly widened his eyes at them and then motioned towards the innocent kitten who was attempting to lick the milk off the floor. 

"What the hell is this?" He finally spoke, his voice rough from screaming so loud. 

"A kitten." Hercules mumbled. 

"You've met Gilbert!" Lafayette replied. 

"You named a kitten after yourself?" John rolled his eyes, and then he remembered why the hell he was mad in the first place. "That's beside the point. The point is that.. No kittens in the apartment complex.. And you took all my milk." 

"We have almond milk." Lafayette smiled. 

"ALMOND MILK is not the same thing as regular milk, Laf!" John snapped. "It's crap. It's a poor excuse for milk and I don't know why anyone would drink it." 

"I can't help that I'm lactose intolerant, dude." Hercules mumbled. 

John gave Hercules an apologetic smile, because when Hercules found out he was lactose intolerant he'd quite literally locked himself in his room for a week because he could no longer eat ice cream. They also had to get rid of all of the ice cream in the house. 

"Okay, back to the kitten.." Lafayette cut in the conversation. "I was walking home from the yoga last night, and I saw the poor little kitten without a mama.. What was I to do?" 

"Uh- I don't know.. Leave it?" John shrugged, glaring at his friends as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. 

"Who made you so heartless, you monster." Hercules gasped. 

"I couldn't just leave it.. It was so cold, John." Lafayette regarded the small kitten with sympathy. "So I just took the kitten home with me." 

"I couldn't say no to that adorable little face." Hercules butted in, and John decided not to ask if he was referring to the kitten or Lafayette. 

"The apartment complex. The rules." John said slowly, trying to remind his friends that their landlord liked them so far and it would be in their best interest not to screw that up. 

Lafayette and Hercules looked at their friend like they didn't quite recognize him. John knew that they were going to lecture him about how he was no fun anymore, and adulthood hit him hard.. Or that being a nurse was already giving him burnout. 

"You need to get laid." Hercules wrinkled his nose. "George call you back?" 

John groaned and practically stomped over to the couch, flinging himself on it and burying his face into the pillow. George King was the newest man John had attempted to date. It had been the worst, and that had been a week ago.. John had yet to tell his roommates. 

Hercules and Lafayette were good together, so they obviously were trying to get him someone so he could be as happy as they were. Their relationship had started because they could only afford a two bedroom apartment, so Hercules and Lafayette had to share a room- it was all history from there. 

"No.. And he probably won't." John pouted, tucking his head between the pillow and the back of the sofa. "I don't mind though because he talks about himself too much- and he chews with his mouth open. Also he's always talking about how everything is better in England or whatever." 

"You remind him that we kicked their ass in the revolution?" Hercules chuckled. 

Lafayette gave Hercules a gentle tap on the arm. "Don't get cocky, American.." He turned back to John. "You always find something you don't like with guys. The last guy was too quiet.. Now this guy talks too much?" 

"Talks too much about himself." John corrected. 

"Give him a chance." Lafayette said kindly. 

John snorted. Give him a chance. John was notoriously bad at dating. He dated people for a few months and then he would grow tired, or they would do something that would be annoying to him. Not to mention, he wasn't the greatest with affection- but he blamed that solely on the way his father treated him growing up. 

"Fine. Okay." John mumbled. 

This seemed to appease Lafayette who placed a kiss on John's head, while Hercules headed over to clean up the mess on the floor and pick up Gilbert who meowed in aggravation because he was no longer allowed to lick up the milk. 

"We must take Gilbert to the vet to make sure everything is okay.. We'll be back later and we can go out to eat?" Lafayette smiled. 

John looked up at Lafayette suspiciously. Lafayette had been on a new health kick lately, and he was almost sure Lafayette would force him to go one of the fancy vegan places that he had no desire going to. 

"..Pizza?" He said slowly. 

"Sure." Lafayette smiled. 

John smiled gently and watched as his friends walked out of the apartment, with the kitten nuzzling itself in Hercules neck. John was happy to be alone again, because talking too much about his failure in dating seemed to tire him out. 

He closed his eyes, trying to get rid of his incoming headache. But much to his dismay there was a loud 'DING' from his phone before he could properly relax. He groaned to himself, knowing that Lafayette and Hercules wouldn't text him so soon after leaving the house.. So it was most likely George (John really didn't want to talk to him). 

He picked up his phone and was surprised to see that it was from an unknown number. 

**Unknown: I'm really sorry for last night, Liza.. Thomas usually isn't like that. He's just really stressed out. I don't want that to be your first impression of him.**

Before John could respond the unknown number sent another text message. 

**Unknown: Also my arm is fine, honest. He didn't grab me that hard.. I just yelled because I tripped.**

John's eyes widened. He hesitated on the keyboard not quite sure how to respond to this text message. He knew that he should most likely just inform the stranger that they had the wrong number, but he knew a bad relationship when he saw one. 

**Me: Wrong number, buddy**

John bit his lip before typing some more. He was always the type of person to make sure everyone was okay.. But he didn't even know this person. 

**Me: Is everything okay tho?**

There was a pause, and John watched as the three dots appeared on his screen and promptly disappeared, indicating that the person had stopped texting. Soon there was another ding. 

**Unknown: Oh.. Sorry**

**Unknown: Yea, everything is cool. I'm just trying to text my friend Eliza but this is a new phone so ofc I typed in the wrong number.**

**Unknown: This is awkward**

John chuckled at the series of texts from the stranger on the phone. He knew he was out of line with his next text but all he could think about was the way his mother would cry every time his father would grab her arm a little too tightly- the way Henry Laurens' hand had felt as it went across his cheek. 

**Me: No problem..**

**Me: But if he loves you, he shouldn't be hurting your arm.**

John closed his eyes when the incoming text came in. He expected the person to tell him to go fuck off, or mind his own damn business- but when he opened his eyes he was surprised to see that wasn't the case. 

**Unknown: Thank you, stranger.**

John smiled. 

**Me: John.**

The person sent back a reply almost instantly. 

**Unknown: Alexander.**


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex thought it was going to be a good day.. He was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me!!! (pssst it's my birthday)
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Verbal abuse, physical abuse (although minor), fat-shaming, and lots of denial on Alex's part (He truly thinks it's all his fault).

Alex ran his fingers over the bruise on his arm. He didn't even know if he would call it a bruise, really.. It was so faint. But he could still feel Thomas' fingers digging into his arm. It was tender in the morning, but he kept trying to tell himself it didn't hurt all too bad. 

Eliza was overreacting, in his opinion. They had been at Eliza's house, drinking coffee, and Thomas had looked down at his phone and realized that it was time to go. He had a Skype interview in the morning and he needed all the sleep he could get. It was a very important interview, integral to his career (that's what he had told Alex afterward, when he had lectured Alex on the importance of being punctual; 'you wouldn't understand, Hamilton.. You've never had a real job'.) 

It had been Alex who had been in charge of reminding Thomas of the time, and he had forgotten. He'd been so excited about seeing Eliza. They'd dated in high school, before they realized that they were better off as friends. After that, she had moved to London with her family- and now she was back. It had taken a lot of convincing for Thomas to even agree for them to all meet up. He was so nervous of Eliza and Alex's relationship- despite Alex's insistence that there was nothing there. 

Yes, last night had been rough, but today was a new day- and Thomas didn't seem to be mad at him anymore that morning. Alex blushed to himself when he remembered how Thomas had woken him up, and how he hadn't even wanted to come into work in the first place. 

He felt a knock on his office door as he looked up. "Come in." He said quickly, pulling his sleeve back over his arm in order to hide the bruise (it was so light, no one would notice it). 

He smiled briefly at his adopted father, George, at the door, before turning back to his work. He'd been put in charge of finances at George's branch. He bit his lip as he remembered what Thomas said. He was right, he would need to think about getting a better job. He had a degree in political science and a minor in journalism, he couldn't keep working this job no matter how much he enjoyed being in his adopted father's presence. 

"You were late today." George said simply. 

Alex had to stop the blush from taking over his face, as he cleared his throat and adjusted the collar of his sweater. "Yeah.. Sorry about that. I woke up late." 

"It's unlike you, son." George said quietly. "Everything okay? You look a little pale.. You know Martha has been trying to get you to come eat- she thinks you've lost weight." 

Alex looked down at himself. He felt like he'd gained weight, but he had to admit his pants were a little bit loose as of late. "You know I don't take care of myself." He tried to brush it off with a chuckle. "I'll try to make it home. It's just Thomas has been so busy." 

George's face seemed to darken a bit at that, but he nodded his head as if he understood. "I know. Just remember we don't need Thomas to visit us, we need Alex. Just try to make it, son.. For your Ma." 

Alex smiled at that and nodded. When the Washingtons adopted him at the age of twelve he'd been so reluctant to call them anything but George and Martha- he'd nearly bitten George's head off more times than he could count for calling him 'son'. But now, he couldn't help but find it comforting that the two of them had turned into such a parental presence for him. 

Almost as soon as George left the room, Alex's phone buzzed from it's spot on his desk. It wasn't unlike Thomas to text him during work, to remind him to do something before he came home. He unlocked his phone and was surprised to see it was Eliza- he'd been able to finally retrieve her number from his busted phone the night before. 

**Liza: How is the arm, babe?**

Alex could barely suppressed an eye roll. When Thomas had accidentally pulled him a little too rough, he'd seen the suspicion and shock on Eliza's face. He'd tried to defuse the situation by texting her but he'd texted someone named 'John' instead. When he finally did get a hold of Eliza she'd expressed her concern over text. 

**Me: Just as good as it was last night- which is great. Because it's not that deep, Liza.**

He watched as she typed her response. 

**Liza: I'm not mad. I'm just concerned. You should never let anyone put their hands on you like that ever.**

Alex didn't know how to respond- so he simply set his phone down. She would assume that he was just busy at work, so he wasn't that concerned about it. There was only so many times he could tell her it was okay, before they argued about it, and he didn't want to fight with his friend when he hadn't seen her for so long. 

He was finishing up something on his laptop when he heard his phone buzz again, he picked it up quickly- thinking that it was Eliza with another text message about how he shouldn't ignore the issue because it was hard to face (her favorite thing to say). 

Instead it was Thomas. 

**Thommy <3: Jemmy is coming over tonight so pick up some food after work**

Alex frowned. Thomas had told him that today was going to be just about them. He'd been looking forward to watching movies, eating, maybe a little more.. For some reason, his stomach was in knots when he texted Thomas back. 

**Me: I thought it was going to just be us today, sweetheart.. Remember?**

It didn't take long for him to text back, and Alex let out a breath of relief that he hadn't upset Thomas with his comment. 

**Thommy <3: I know darlin but I got that job I wanted. They hired me right after the interview. We can celebrate with our friend and then we can spend the whole night to ourselves.**

Alex smiled, and couldn't help but spin around in his chair a little bit. He'd been so worried that he had jeopardized Thomas' chances by forgetting to remind him of the time. Thomas was going to be so happy- and even though he didn't know James that well, he was a really nice guy. 

**Me: That's great, sweetheart! I'll pick up some pizza after work. I'll try to come home early.**

Alex smiled. This was going to be a great day. 

X 

Thomas was laughing when Alex got home. He couldn't help but smile at the way Thomas' eyes shined as he ran his hand through his curls and laughed at something his best friend said. Neither of the men looked up until Alex shut the door. 

"Finally, the food." Thomas smiled, taking a sip of his beer. "I've been telling James that I think you got lost, darlin'." 

Alex smiled sheepishly and set the pizza down in front of them, along with the paper plates and napkins that they provided. When Thomas opened the pizza box he automatically frowned, and Alex felt his heart drop. "Is everything okay, babe?" Alex asked. 

Thomas sighed impatiently and shut the box, he took another sip of his beer and motioned towards James, who didn't seem that concerned about the state of the pizza as he opened the box and grabbed a piece. 

"James doesn't like sausage." Thomas frowned. "I told you that." 

Alex gaped at Thomas as he tried to remember the text messages he'd sent to him just that afternoon. He couldn't remember Thomas saying anything about any particular preference they had. Before he could respond, James waved it off. 

"It's no big deal." James smiled politely at Alex. "I'm not that picky, I'll just pick off the sausage." 

Alex smiled back, but Thomas still didn't seem convinced as he side-eyed Alex. Great.. Now he most likely ruined Thomas' night. It was supposed to be all about him, but he'd messed that up. Alex was half-tempted to check his phone to make sure he wasn't going crazy. 

"At least we got the Sam Adams." James smiled, lifting up his beer slightly. 

Thomas chuckled and nudged his friend, humming in agreement. Alex found himself thankful that James was there to put him in a better mood. Alex allowed the two to talk for awhile, chiming in every once in awhile. At first, he had been concerned that James didn't like him because he was so quiet.. But as the man started warming up to Alex- he felt his mood lighten. 

Alex lifted two pieces of pizza, placing them on the paper plate. He looked up when he heard Thomas clear his throat. The man narrowed his eyes at Alex as he took a sip of beer.   
He swallowed and then pointed to the pizza. "Two pieces?" 

"You have three." Alex smiled playfully. 

Much to his surprise, Thomas didn't seem in a playful mood as he glared at his boyfriend. "I'm taller than you.. I'm just saying you should watch what you eat." 

Alex opened his mouth to speak but nodded and placed the pizza back in the box. James seemed at a loss for words as he took a sip of his beer and looked at Alex with a look of sympathy. He made no move to correct his friend, instead choosing to change the subject. 

"So.. Give us a play-by-play of how you managed to get this bomb ass job, my friend." James grinned. 

Thomas shrugged his shoulders and smiled nonchalantly, leaning back on the sofa and looking up at the television. "Eh.. I don't really remember, I guess I'm just that smooth." 

James snorted and Alex took this as an opportunity to join in. "Yeah right, babe." He turned to James, taking a bite of his pizza. "He was practically shaking this morning he was so nervous." 

"Is that right?" James chuckled. 

"No." Thomas said, his voice practically steel. "That is not right." 

Alex deflated after that, finding it wise not to try to butt in. He wasn't used to James and Thomas' type of banter. He knew that Thomas preferred teasing in private, and he should probably not have teased him like that in front of his friend. 

James stayed for about an hour before his phone went off, he patted Thomas on the back and smiled politely at Alex. "Well my uber is here, but I'll see you later- good luck on the job." 

When he left, neither one of them spoke. It was quiet as Thomas stared off into space and took another sip of his drink. Alex decided it was a good moment to start cleaning, in order to ease some of the tension. He got up slowly, picking up the empty box and discarded plates. 

When he went to pick up an empty bottle, Thomas reached out and squeezed his wrist. He heard his breath hitch and he looked up at Thomas with confusion, the man took another sip of his drink before he allowed himself to look at Alex. 

"Meet me in the bedroom when you're done." Thomas said, quirking up an eyebrow. 

Alex couldn't help but smile nervously. He was pretty sure this was the part where they actually celebrated Thomas getting the job, so when Thomas got up and walked towards their bedroom- he made sure to clean up the living room as fast as he could. 

He stopped in front of his bedroom door, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. He'd expected to see Thomas getting undressed when he walked in.. 

But he was sitting on the bed, still sipping his drink. 

Alex walked in slowly, shutting the door behind him and standing in front of it- his hand still on the doorknob. He smiled nervously, clearing his throat. 

"Come stand in front of me." Thomas said, his voice unreadable. 

Alex cocked his head to the side, confused. Nevertheless, he stood in front of Thomas. He shifted on his feet nervously. "What's this.. About?" He chuckled. 

"I just-" Thomas broke off in a laugh as he looked at his now empty bottle. "I just want to know where the FUCK-" He threw the bottle at the wall, causing it to shatter upon impact. Alex couldn't help the sharp intake of breath when stray piece cut into his cheek.. "You get off at embarrassing me like that." 

Alex couldn't help the tears that flowed down his cheeks as he looked at his now angry boyfriend. He hadn't meant to embarrass him. He just.. He wasn't sure what he had been trying to do. It was stupid of him, and he couldn't quite explain himself as Thomas approached him. 

"I-I'm sorry." Alex whispered, whimpering when Thomas grabbed a hold of his shoulders. "I didn't mean to- I didn't know that I.." 

"You didn't know.." Thomas pouted, mimicking Alex's voice. "You cry like such a little BITCH, you know that?"   
He pushed Alex back and he cried when his head hit the wall. He pulled Alex towards the closet and opened it, and Alex tried to resist being pulled to no avail- he was great in debates, but he wasn't the toughest fighter physically.

"Just because you have a shit ass job with your daddy, you think you can ruin it for me?" Thomas said almost frantically as he pushed Alex into the closet, and Alex yelled when he took a handful of sweaters with him. "Stay in here until you learn how to behave." 

Before he could react, the door was slammed in his face. He cried trying to bang his fists on the door. He didn't like the dark, and he didn't like to be alone.. But he could feel Thomas place something in front of the door and he knew it was no use. 

"Please.. Thomas.." He sobbed. "Please, I'll be better." 

There was no answer and he let out a whimper when he heard the bedroom door slam. 

"Please.." He let out in a weak cry.   
He fell to his butt, unsure what to do. There was no way he could text Eliza, she would have the police called.. And he didn't want to see Thomas get in trouble- he wasn't in any danger. He couldn't call his parents, because he George would have Thomas killed if he found out. 

He reached for his phone, scrolling through his text messages. 

He stopped on the number he'd accidentally texted the night before.. He had seemed so nice- and Alex didn't really know him. He could provide him with some company until Thomas decided he'd learned his lesson. 

With shaky hands, he unlocked his phone and texted.. He was surprised to see that his fingers were bloody from wiping against the cut on his face. 

**Me: Hey. So it's super late and I know we don't even know each other and I'm probably really stupid but I'm locked in a closet and I need someone to talk to.**

He didn't expect a text back so he was shocked when his phone went off.

**Unknown: Alexander, right..? Why are you locked in a closet.**

He didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't want him to think badly of Thomas, but he tried to remind himself that he didn't even know them. 

**Me: Long story. I just need to talk. I'm scared.**

The text was instantaneous. 

**Unknown: I don't have work tomorrow, so I have time.**

**Unknown: So.. Spill.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment~


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has a rough day at work.. but when Alexander needs help, he doesn't mind staying up a little late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long. I had a really rough week, last week. I failed a validation in nursing school for wound care, and if you fail you have another chance to pass and if you don't pass- you fail the clinical course. Luckily, I passed the second time so I'm good. 
> 
> But I was so damn depressed leading up to that (it was on Tuesday), that it drained me for the rest of the week. In plus I have an upper respiratory infection that I'm trying to get rid of. I'm doing much better, but this chapter may not be my best. I'm sorry for that.

John couldn't help but pity the nursing student in front of him, as she looked down at her nearly white pristine shoes, shuffling back and forth from one foot to another. She was small, the school scrubs nearly slipping off of her as she looked more like a child playing dress-up than a bushy-tailed sophomore who may be way over her head at times.

"Repeat after me." John said simply, swallowing slowly so his voice didn't crack in aggravation. He was trying really hard not to be aggravated, but the fact that his bottom half was covered in urine made it hard not to be incredibly angry.

"Okay." She whispered.

"I will always clamp catheter bags after draining them." John said slowly, he paused waiting for the girl to follow his words- when she looked up he raised an eyebrow at her, as if telling her that it was her turn to speak.

"Oh.. Me? Okay.." She said lamely. "I will always clamp catheter bags after draining them.. Sir.. John.. Sir John."  
"Just John." John sighed.

"Just John." She repeated.

"No.. You don't have to repeat that." John grumbled. "Listen, kid. Just clamp the bags after you drain them. You're lucky that I have spare scrubs in my locker- because I would be pretty pissed if I had to walk around with urine on me all day."

"Heh.. 'pretty pissed'" The girl chuckled and then looked up at John confused. "Wait? Should I be repeating this? You were unclear about those rules."

John nearly smacked himself in the forehead. He had never been this clueless as a nursing student (that was an unfair statement, because his blunders had been legendary). This is why he hated being a "floater". That's what they called someone who went back and forth between units. He usually worked in the ER, in fact that's where he performed best. 

They usually gave him junior students, or even seniors- who had been doing this for so long, and were so jaded.. That they actually got annoyed when he tried to give them advice.

Unfortunately for him, on this particular day, he was on a renal unit- which was always slow, and full of a lot of patients who didn't really care to see his face.

"Just- Just got take vitals for 478, okay?" John mumbled. "Her food should be here in a little while, so stay with her while she eats- she has a history of choking."

"Yeah, got it." The girl gave him a weary smile. "And can we maybe NOT tell my instructor about how I spilled pee everywhere and you tripped in it?"

John couldn't help but give her a sympathetic smile. "It's between you and me."

The girl's large smile as she hurried down the hall made John pretty happy. She was a good kid, and she would make a great nurse. She just had to get over her forgetfulness and her nervousness.

When John entered the break room he was surprised to see Abigail, another floater, was curled up in the corner eating a bowl of what looked like noodles. He gave her a small smile as he got into his locker and got his spare pair of scrubs out.

He slipped the soiled ones off, not minding that Abigail was trying very hard not to look his way. They'd been friends for awhile now and he'd grown accustomed to just changing in the break room.

"You can look now." He said simply.

"Who said I wasn't looking, Jack?" She smirked, taking a a bite of her noodles. John followed her gaze up to the television and rolled his eyes when he discovered she was watching grey's anatomy.

"Really, Abigail?" John snorted, but he wasted no time sitting down next to her. Most of the patients on the floor were asleep, and he was almost certain that his student could handle watching someone eat. "This show is unrealistic."

"Mmm.. That's why you're sitting next to me." She nodded, handing over her cup of noodles. "Want some noodles?"

"Don't mind if I do." John smiled, taking a bite. He cringed when he tasted how cold they were. The microwave in the break room was on the fritz, so most of the time their food didn't get fully cooked.

"Why'd you have to change?" Abigail asked.

"My nursing student doesn't know how to clamp a cath bag, 900 ml of urine.. All over me." John explained, and Abigail winced in sympathy.

Before she could respond the door to the break room opened and the hapless nursing student stood in the doorway, John stood on his feet quickly thinking that the worst had occurred. "Is everything okay? I thought I told you to stay with her."

"Uhh.. She doesn't want to sit up in the bed and she might choke." She said slowly.

John gave the nursing student an exasperated smile and waved bye to Abigail. He followed the student down the hall where the notorious patient was, and wasn't surprised to see that she was in fact attempting to eat crackers while lying down in bed.

"Ms. Johnson, you have to sit up." John said slowly, and he tried to ignore the way the old woman glared at him and weakly held up her middle finger. In hindsight, she wasn't the best patient to give to a new nursing student, but who was he to question these placements.  
"No." She snapped. "You guys never let me do what I want here. I want to die, in peace. Instead I'm at this damn hospital with a MALE NURSE. Back in my day-"

"Ms. Johnson, it's the twenty-first century." John said simply, lifting the bed into a sitting position while the woman protested and attempted to throw cracker crumbs at him. "You can choke anytime you want, but not on MY watch- and certainly not a student nurse's watch- are we clear?"

The woman stayed quiet, and John thought that they were in fact VERY clear. He was mistaken when the woman threw back her head and screamed, nearly sending the student nurse into the fetal position.

It got significantly worse when she started to throw chewed up cracker chunks at the two of them.  
It was going to be a long night.

X

John was surprised to see that Lafayette and Hercules were not out when he arrived home that night. It was very rare for them not to be out at a club, or loitering in various places when he came home. He didn't quite know what they got up to, but it was probably risky.

They were in a very curious position when he walked through the front door. Lafayette sitting upside down on the couch, and Hercules bottle-feeding Gilbert the kitten with what John was pretty sure was his milk. Much more interesting, they had Mulan playing in the background- Lafayette leading them in a rousing chorus of 'I'll make a man out of you'.

"What the hell is going on?" John said slowly.

Lafayette looked up and gave John a small wave, while Hercules shushed him quietly, pointing to the tiny kitten in his rather large arms. "We're watching Mulan.. And feeding petit Gilbert." Lafayette smiled. "He needs nightly feedings, John. He is underweight."

"You're not out?" John asked, trying not to sound too bummed out. He had been looking forward to being alone in the house, where he could do whatever he wanted.

"We're parents now, John." Hercules lectured. "We've matured."

"It's a kitten." John deadpanned.

"SHH.. He doesn't KNOW." Lafayette snapped.

John rolled his eyes, dropping his bag to the floor. He looked down at his watch, sighing when he realized that it was barely passed ten o'clock. He could sit down and watch Disney movies with his friends like he usually did, but he was exhausted.

"I'm going to go to bed early tonight. I had a rough night." John sighed, thankfully his friends nodded sympathetically and Lafayette lowered his singing to a tolerable amount.

 

John could have cried when he finally got to take a shower, washing the day off of his body- and the feeling that his legs weren't quite clean. He stayed in the shower longer than he usually would, almost falling asleep while resting his head against the shower wall. He didn't feel like getting out to brush his teeth, deciding just to do the task while he was in the shower.

He walked slowly to his room, slipping on his boxer shorts and lying back on his pillow. His feet ached from standing all day, but his eyes couldn't seem to get heavy anymore as he heard the sound of call lights going off in his head.

Thankfully, he didn't have work the next day. He would be able to enjoy himself. Maybe he would go grocery shopping or try out the new sushi place down the street. Or maybe he could get to know the kitten that his roommates seemed to fall in love with. Before he could dwell on the thought his phone went off from where it was placed on his pillow.

With bleary eyes, John tried to focus on the screen in front of him- unlocking his phone and taking a few times to get it to finally unlock.

**Unknown: Hey. So it's super late and I know we don't even know each other and I'm probably really stupid but I'm locked in a closet and I need someone to talk to.**

John looked at the screen in front of him, confused. It was an odd text message to get in the middle of the night and, at first, he didn't know who it was. He scrolled up looking at their previous text messages and recognized it as the person he had texted a couple nights ago, the one with what John had deemed a 'asshole' boyfriend. 

He wasted no time, texting back.. Not wanting the boy to think that he didn't want to talk. 

**Me: Alexander, right..? Why are you locked in a closet.**

John knew the answer, deep down he did. But a part of him didn't want to think about someone's boyfriend forcing them into a small, dark closet- while they screamed and begged to be let out. Not to mention, it was a big escalation from roughly grabbing a hold of someone's arm. 

It took awhile for him to text back and John thought that perhaps it was too hard to talk about. He was surprised when his phone went off moments later. 

**Unknown: Long story. I just need to talk. I'm scared.**

John hurried to text back. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone being that scared, even though he didn't know this boy- his heart ached for him. 

**Me: I don't have work tomorrow, so I have time.**  
**Me: So.. Spill.**

John sat up in his bed, so he wouldn't accidentally fall asleep while texting the boy on the other end. He flipped on the light next to his bed. 

**Unknown: I don't quite know how to explain myself. I could text my friend but I don't think she would react well.**

John bit his lip, trying to decide if it was appropriate to go ahead and assume. If he overstepped his boundaries he risked scaring the person on the other end- and then he would end the conversation all together. 

**Me: Then let me..**  
**Me: Is your boyfriend the reason you're locked in a closet right now?**

It took a few minutes for him to reply, and John feared that maybe he really did scare him away. 

**Unknown: Yes.**  
**Unknown: I think it may have been my fault tho**  
**Unknown: He had a friend over. I embarrassed him.**  
**Unknown: I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut.**

John frowned. No one should feel like something like this was their fault. He wish he could go and save this boy from whatever he was going through. 

**Me: I'm sure it isn't your fault. No matter what. Did he hit you?**  
**Me: You don't have to answer that.. If you don't want to.**

John dreaded the answer, but he was surprised when the boy answered back. 

**Unknown: No. He has never hit me. He just threw a bottle and it cut my cheek. I think I'm bleeding? But I'm okay.**  
**Unknown: He hasn't hit me. So it's not that bad.**

John shook his head.. It hurt when people didn't realize they were being abused- but who was he to judge? He wasn't in the situation. 

**Me: Alexander, that doesn't mean he treats you well.**  
**Unknown: I don't want to talk about this.**  
**Unknown: So what kind of work do you do?**  
**Me: I'm a nurse. An ER nurse, but sometimes I do other things. I work on other units.**  
**Unknown: That's cool. I have a lot of respect for nurses. They helped me and my mom out a lot when I was younger.**  
**Me: What do you do?**  
**Unknown: I work at my foster dad's law firm. Financials. I'm an accountant of sorts. I'm good with money.**  
**Unknown: It's not much of a job.. But I like it I guess.**

Before John could respond, Alexander texted back. 

**Unknown: He's coming back. I gotta go.**  
**Unknown: Thank you, John.**

John smiled, but his heart hurt at the thought that he would be leaving his poor boy with a clearly abusive boyfriend. 

**Me: If you ever need to talk Alex.. I'm here. Anytime. I really don't mind.**

He didn't respond.. And John prayed that he was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUN FACT (not really that fun): The patient that threw chewed up cracker pieces at John was an actual patient that I had. She didn't want to sit up, I didn't want her to choke- she got really pissed off at me. 
> 
> Also the 900 mLs of urine on the scrubs is also a story of mine (BUT my clinical adviser didn't clamp the bag, which makes me want to scream.. but I digress) Unfortunately, I didn't have a spare pair of scrubs so I wanted to die literally all day. 
> 
> I will be venting through John, just a little warning. 
> 
> P.S the alternate summaries are going to be back (I'm working on planning this entire thing out) I know a lot of you liked it for the old story, so I'm going to bring it back because I love you all of you and want to see you happy and healthy!
> 
> Thanks for reading and please leave me a comment~


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas was good, in Alex's opinion. No one saw the side of Thomas that Alex saw.. His good side. He would do anything to see him happy- anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for this chapter: There is some dubious consent in this chapter, but nothing explicit because I do not enjoy writing that. I've added the tag to the fanfiction, so that's a new warning from now on. Also, Alex blames himself for everything bad thing Thomas does- because abusive relationships are nasty like that. 
> 
> So sorry it took until Saturday for me to post this fanfiction. I had a really grueling week, in which I've studied more than I wanted to and I had a catheter validation I had to take (I passed).. The goal was to get this chapter out on like Wednesday but I took a really long nap on Tuesday and didn't feel like writing when I woke up.

**Unknown: If you ever need to talk Alex.. I'm here. Anytime. I really don't mind.**

Alex set his phone down quickly, when he heard footsteps approach the small closet he was currently locked in. He wanted to text John and tell him thank you for listening to his insignificant issues. But he couldn't help the way his stomach seemed to be tied up in knots-praying that Thomas was in a better mood. He tried to remind himself that he was probably just stressed out, and he hadn't deserve to be embarrassed by Alex like that. 

It was truly Alex's fault, in the end. 

The closet door opened, and Alex backed up slightly when Thomas appeared in front of him, outlined by the light in their bedroom. He expected Thomas to grab his arm, make him sleep on the couch. Instead, Thomas crouched down, looking him in the eye. 

He reached out to stroke Alex's hair and he winced, trying to hide it from Thomas who simply made a 'tsk' noise. He looked at Alex with an expression that seemed more like sympathy than regret. "Have you learned your lesson, baby?" 

Alex nodded, trying to find his voice. He'd been crying for about an hour in the closet and his throat felt irritated and dry. "Y-Yes, sir. I'm sorry." 

"Sir?" Thomas smirked. "I like that, darling. Maybe you should call me that more often." 

Alex winced. He hadn't meant to call Thomas 'sir', but after being taught a 'lesson' he had been reminded of the foster families he'd lived with before he was put into the custody of the Washington family. 

But that was different. That family had treated him horribly.. They'd punished him for no reason. Thomas was just looking out for him. It was his big night and Alex had ruined it for him. He tried desperately to push what John had texted out of his mind. He'd tried to convince Alex that he didn't deserve this, but he knew that he did. 

They didn't understand because they didn't live with Thomas.. They didn't love him the way that Alex did. Thomas was just made before.. but now he was kneeling in front of Alex, gently stroking the cut on his cheek with a look of worry. 

"Did I do this, baby?" Thomas asked, almost absentmindedly- Alex hissed when he pressed down a little with his thumb. 

Alex gave Thomas a weak smile and placed his hand on top of his. "It was the bottle.. But it's okay. I'm fine. I didn't mean to embarrass you." 

Thomas smiled at that and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Without another word he stood, and for a second Alex panicked.. Thinking that he was going to lock the door and force him to stay there for a couple more hours. But he managed to calm down when Thomas held his hand out, lifting Alex up from the ground. 

He guided Alex to the bed, and motioned for him to sit down. Alex expected him to sit down next to him, but much to his surprise.. He left the room. Alex fidgeted nervously, wondering briefly what Thomas was doing. He looked in front of him- there was a crack in the wall from the bottle Thomas had thrown (that was such a bad thought to have, because he probably hadn't meant to throw it) and Alex could see the glass on the ground that he would no doubt have to pick up. 

Thomas reappeared a moment later, this time carrying a rag that was damp with what Alex assumed was peroxide or something of the sort. Thomas sat down next to him and pressed it against the cut on Alex's cheek- giving him a soothing 'shh' when Alex let out a small whimper. 

"I know that I'm no doctor, darling, but I figured this would help heal up the cut." Thomas explained, and Alex had to stop himself from thinking about John- what would he think about how Thomas was taking care of him, he was a nurse after all. 

"I didn't mean to hurt you, sweetie." Thomas whispered, and he looked so ashamed and Alex wanted to lock himself back in the closet for a few more hours because he'd hurt Thomas and he hadn't meant to. 

Alex met Thomas' lips, and smiled into the kiss, kicking the washcloth away when Thomas dropped it. He smiled into the kiss, pulling away despite Thomas' insistence on biting his lower lip. "It's fine, Thomas. I'm fine." 

Thomas nodded quickly, pushing Alex down on the bed- despite his weak protest. He let out a quiet gasp as Thomas kissed down his neck, hands pushing up Alex's shirt, running his hands over Alex's exposed abdomen. Alex shivered when Thomas' cold hands reached his chest. 

Alex didn't want to push Thomas away; he didn't want to make him angry. He turned his head so he could see the small pile of glass on the floor, as Thomas slipped off his shirt (Alex didn't want to think about how Thomas was always telling him how he was getting chubby). 

"Thomas.. I should clean up the.." Alex gasped as Thomas kissed down his stomach- hands unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down his legs. "I should clean up the mess." 

Thomas pulled away, leaving Alex's pants halfway down his thighs. He looked almost bored at Alex- and he prayed that he didn't make him mad. 

"You don't want to make it up to me, after how you acted today?" Thomas said slowly. 

Alex gulped. He'd treated Thomas so badly today.. Made Thomas think that he'd hurt him. Alex couldn't get the image of how sad Thomas had been out of his head. 

"Would it.. Would it make you happy?" Alex asked, his voice wavering slightly. 

"Very." Thomas replied. 

"Okay, then." Alex whispered, barely audible to even his own ears. In the end, it didn't matter what he wanted. He just wanted to make Thomas happy. 

He loved Thomas, and Thomas loved him. He deserved to be happy. 

X 

Thomas had fallen asleep, and Alex felt sore all over. He hadn't had time to clean up afterwards, due to the fact that Thomas had promptly laid on top of Alex and fallen asleep in that position. Alex hadn't had the heart to wake him up, instead allowing the sweat to dry on his skin.. Along with other things. 

Finally Thomas had rolled off of Alex, and Alex managed to get up- limping as he went. He turned off the light, careful not to wake Thomas. He'd had a big day, and Alex knew that he needed his sleep. He made sure to reach down to grab his cellphone from where it had fallen off the bed. 

He walked into the master bathroom, taking a good look at himself in the mirror. He looked exhausted, but he figured it was just from crying. He didn't like looking at himself for long as he grabbed a washcloth and ran it under some water- wiping himself off, and discarding the rag in the clothes hamper. He couldn't help but sigh when he caught sight of his wrists- he had new marks on his wrists now, darker this time.. From where Thomas had held him down. 

He rubbed his hands over them wincing, and limped back towards the bed- where Thomas was still peacefully sleeping. 

Alex eased himself back under the blankets, looking at his phone. It was two A.M.. And Eliza had texted him about three times, trying to confirm their coffee date for tomorrow. He texted her back quickly, apologizing for the late response, telling her that he'd simply fell asleep. 

Then he looked at John's number.. Still under unknown. He figured it wouldn't hurt to text him and thank him, even if he was still asleep right now.. he would get it the next morning. 

**Me: Hey John, I know it's super late but thank you for texting me back. I know it was silly and you don't know me, but I appreciate it.**

Alex set his phone by him, and closed his eyes turning his head towards Thomas. It was a few moments before he got a text back, his phone letting out a loud 'DING' noise.. And his blood ran cold when Thomas quickly lifted his head up. 

"Who the hell his texting you this early in the morning?" He snapped, glaring at Alex. 

Alex grabbed the phone, catching a glimpse of the text message before Thomas could see who it was. 

**Unknown: No problem. I know you don't want to talk about it but if he does that again, you can always text me.**

"Eliza." Alex said quickly. "We had coffee plans tomorrow, remember? I told you a couple days ago.. Is that okay?" 

Thomas closed his eyes, sighing. "That's fine. Just don't stay gone too long.. I know Eliza doesn't like me very well." 

Alex wanted to protest, and tell him that Eliza loved anyone that Alex loved.. But he knew that was a lie. Eliza was suspicious of Thomas for some reason, despite his insistence that it was nothing. His heart hurt that they didn't like each other. 

Instead, Alex pressed a kiss to Thomas' head. "I love you and that's all that matters." 

Thomas mumbled something under his breath before falling back to sleep. Alex paused for a few moments, before turning back to his phone. 

He quickly changed 'unknown' to 'John'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter I will start having both Alex and John parts.. so expect a longer chapter? (I put a question mark because I surprise myself all of the time). 
> 
> Please leave me a comment, they make me happy and there is a 100% chance that you will get a comment back (I'm actually pretty good at that). 
> 
> PS.. Alex and John will meet face to face eventually, I have that planned out but no for a little while.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex meets up with Eliza and Peggy, and it goes great until Eliza discovers the bruises on his arm, and Alex's day goes to hell from there; meanwhile, John's day isn't much better when a little boy comes into the ER beaten black and blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week (and next week) are going to kill me so I'm going to try to get these next two chapters out earlier in the week so I can study. I've planned this baby out until chapter 11- and then I'm going to plan out the rest of it. I'm aiming for 22 chapters but that may change, and either be shorter or longer (who knows). 
> 
> WARNINGS: HEED the warnings in the tags, my friendos. I put them there for a reason and I change them ANYTIME I think there are possible triggers that you guys should be aware of. 
> 
> For this chapter *specifically*: Physical abuse, emotional abuse, discussion of chronic illness, depictions of child abuse, and victim blaming. 
> 
> If you can't deal with these, I promise I won't be mad just be like 'Hey jennifer bet the chapter was great but these warnings are hard for me.' I'll understand. 
> 
> Thank you and love you!

Alex felt unbearably hot in his grey sweater, as he anxiously pulled on his sleeves. He was waiting for the light to change so he could finally cross the street, the coffee shop right in front of him. He had tried hard to convince himself that he'd been chilly on this particular morning, and that's why he chose to wear a sweater in eighty degree heat.. But he knew that wasn't true. 

The truth was, he knew Eliza would take one look at the bruises on his arms and her distaste for Thomas would become full blown hatred. Alex couldn't bear the thought of Eliza hating Thomas. Thomas had done so much for him, but Eliza was his best friend. She was the one he confided in, and he didn't want to choose one or the other. 

Alex looked down at his phone with a smile. John had texted him just that morning, and it had warmed his heart that this stranger had thought to make sure he was doing better.

**John: Doing better this morning?**

**John: Btw, this isn't like one of these cheesy good morning texts.. I'm just up a ridic time.**

Alex had smiled at that, even over the text he could tell that he was trying desperately not to make it awkward. Alex had appreciated it. He became lonely at times, but not for any particular reason. Thomas was enough company for him.. But it was nice to have another friend. 

**Alex: I'm doing great. I'm going to get coffee with a friend today!**

**John: That's great.. I'm going to save lives (hopefully) but I'll probably just get half-eaten food thrown at me tbh**

**Alex: Nursing?.. Or Babysitting?**

**John: Sometimes I can't tell. I'll let you see your friends.. I'm off to work.**

It had put an extra skip in Alex's step- it had been such a long time since Alex had a pleasant conversation. If he was being completely honest, it had been such a long time since someone had spoke to him in a way that didn't sound worried and prodding. 

Alex appreciated it. 

He'd been so lost in thoughts he almost didn't see the pedestrian symbol, barely making it across the street before it changed. 

The coffee shop that Eliza had invited him to was small, and Eliza always claimed it was the 'best coffee in the world'. They had been frequent fliers of the coffee shop in high school, both of them choosing to stop by before class. It was a fond memory, as Eliza Schuyler had been his only friend in high school; Eliza and her sisters were the only people who would give the scrappy orphan a chance. 

The Washingtons had enrolled him in private school when he moved in with them, and Alex had been terrified- his view of private school had always been that everyone was snobby, rude, and rich. 

He'd met Elizabeth 'Eliza' Schuyler, with her dark brown eyes, round face, and dark hair. She _**was**_ rich- Alex supposed that since he lived with Washington's he would be considered 'rich' as well- but 'rude' and 'snobby' wasn't words Alex would use to describe Eliza. 

Alex let out a sigh of relief as he entered the air-conditioned cafe. He was regretting his choice of wearing the sweater, but he knew that the repercussions of Eliza seeing the bruises on his arms would be much worse. 

"Alex!" He heard Eliza call. 

He turned his head, seeing his long-time friend sitting in their usual corner seat. His grin widened when he saw that she had brought along Peggy. 

Peggy was the youngest of the Schuyler sisters- and Alex viewed her like a little sister that he never had. She had been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in high school, some of flare ups being debilitating. He was more that ecstatic to see that she'd been feeling up to coming out. 

He approached the two of them, Peggy scooting out of the booth in order to hug him. Alex squeezed back, and it was so comforting that Alex really didn't want to let go. She kissed his cheek before getting back in her seat, Alex scooting in next to her. 

"Alex aren't you hot?" Eliza asked, tilting to her head to the side and looking at him oddly. "It's in the eighties, I wouldn't think to leave the house in a sweater." 

Alex struggled for an excuse. It was a stupid idea for him to wear the sweater, and he knew that by the odd looks he'd received walking down the street. "I- uh- was cold." He looked down to see that Eliza had already got his drink, and smiled up at his friend (and at the chance to change the subject). "Eliza, my very heart, you know my coffee order." 

"Caramel macchiato with extra espresso, because apparently you want to give yourself a heart attack at the ripe age of twenty-seven." Eliza smirked, taking a sip of her own drink. 

"Oh hush, ms. 'I'm going on a caffeine cleanse for my poor baby sister who can no longer drink caffeine'." Peggy mumbled. "Let the boy live. He's from the Caribbean.. Of course this is like winter to him." 

Alex wanted to remind her that he'd been in the states since he was fifteen- and was more than use to the weather changes in the U.S now.. But he didn't want to bring attention to the fact that he was wearing a sweater in the heat, so he just nodded. 

Eliza looked at Alex skeptically before nodding one more time, but Alex saw the way her eyes lingered. She took a sip before shaking her head and glaring at her younger sister. 

"I'm going on a caffeine cleanse because it's not good for the heart." 

Alex didn't say anything as he watched the two bicker back and forth. He had missed the two of them together, arguing over every single thing. He knew that two were close, despite how much they fought- and he loved them both. 

He loved them, but when Peggy's hand reached out and dumped his hot coffee all over his arm he couldn't help but let out a loud 'shit!' He clutched onto his arm and hissed, his hand digging into the bruise and making it hurt about one-hundred times more. 

Peggy jumped immediately, picking up his cup. Before Alex could stop her, she was pulling up the sleeve to his sweater, and reaching to get some napkins. Alex saw the bruise and hurried to pull his sleeve down- pulling away from Peggy a bit more forcefully than he intended. She looked at him.. Confused. 

Alex shook his head and smiled. "You should- You should go get some more napkins, it looks like all the coffee is soaking through the ones we have." 

Peggy looked confused, but nodded. Alex scooted out of the booth in order to let Peggy through. He was afraid to look back at Eliza, who hadn't said a word since Peggy pulled his sleeve up. Alex sat back down slowly, not looking up- he felt like a child. 

When he did look up.. He didn't recognize the look on Eliza's face. She was usually calm, and always sweet. But now she looked like she wanted to watch the whole world burn- like she wanted to watch Thomas burn, specifically. 

"Eliza-" Alex mumbled. 

Before he could finish the sentence, Eliza was reaching across the booth and pulling his sleeve up. He tried to protest, pulling his arm away- but Eliza's grip was gentle but firm. 

She pulled the sleeve of his grey sweater up, and the bruise was on display. 

It was lot more angrier looking than Alex remembered. It was dark against his skin (he'd always been so tan- when did his complexion get so pale?), and he could see the older bruises that were finally starting to heal. 

"So did he um.." Eliza cleared her throat. "Did he pull you too hard and you ran into a door? What was it that you told me the first time." 

Alex looked around, nervously- as if Thomas could somehow hear this conversation. He didn't want anyone to overhear this. Thomas wanted to be a politician, and he couldn't let people hear his good name get sullied. 

"It was no big deal, Eliza.. Really." Alex stumbled on his words, trying to excuse the bruises- and he felt truly broken when he realized he was struggling to do so. "I- we got in a fight yesterday, he just grabbed a hold of me.. And we made up." 

"Made up?" Eliza said, her voice dangerously steady. She looked up, and her face crumbled as if she was just now noticing the cut on Alex's face. "Your face is all cut up Alex.. How could you let someone do this to you?" 

"Do what?" Alex hissed. "Love me?" 

"This is not love, Alexander!" Eliza snapped, slamming her hands on the table- she calmed when she saw Alex jump. "He is hurting you.. There are bruises all over your arms. Didn't you have to ask permission to come see me? When was the last time you saw your friends? Your family..?" 

Alex could feel his breathing speed up already, and he quickly got out of the booth. Eliza jumped up reaching to grab his arm- and he winced when she unknowingly gripped another bruise. "Alexander.." 

"I have to go, Eliza." Alexander mumbled. 

"Alex stay.. Talk to me." Eliza whispered. 

"Let me go!" He yelled, yanking his arm away from Eliza. 

The whole cafe became quiet, and Alex could feel his cheeks turn red when he realized everyone's eyes were on him. He turned back to Eliza and his heart broke into a million pieces when he saw the heartbreak flash over his best friend's face. She was his closest friend- his only friend. He couldn't help but feel he'd just broken their friendship. 

He turned to see Peggy, approaching her sister, hands full of napkins and a cup of ice water. He could tell that his eyes were already filling with tears. 

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I have to go." 

X 

It's shockingly not one of the most pathetic things Alex has ever done.. Crying in an alley. His chest feels heavy as he tries his make his way home, holding back tears. He's too embarrassed to call a taxi or even get an uber.. But as he continues walking, it gets hard to see where he's going through the tears. 

He would say he cried in the alley for about fifteen minutes- but he knows it was closer to an hour. The sobs that come out are ugly, and he's briefly aware of a homeless man down the alleyway who keeps looking at him in concern- debating whether or not to share his cheeseburger with him, or let him be. Luckily, he decides to let Alex be and Alex is thankful for that because he doesn't deserve anyone's kindness. 

He hurt Eliza. 

He stays in the alleway, until he looks down at his phone and sees that it's getting close to the time that Thomas wanted him home. He almost cries more when he realizes that there's no way he will be able to get home in time, and Thomas is going to be mad at him as well. 

He picks himself up, finally. His feet feel heavy as he makes his way home. He's thankful that he doesn't live that far from the coffee shop- but he still doesn't manage to make it back at the time Thomas asked- nearly fifteen minutes late. He tries to tell himself that Thomas was in a good mood that morning, he'd even kissed Alex goodbye. 

He was in a good mood.. He'd understand. 

Thomas is sitting at the kitchen table when Alex walks in.. And his heart drops because Thomas doesn't look to be in a good mood. He's not looking at anything in particular, just the wall in front of him. Alex follows his gaze.. He's looking at the photo taken of the two of them when they vacationed in the Caribbean. It had been Thomas' birthday surprise for Alex, and he had never been happier to be home. 

Why couldn't they be like that again? 

"Thomas.. I'm sorry.. I wasn't watching the time." Alex mumbled, and Thomas finally looked up at him taking in his red face and tear-stained cheeks. 

"Did you have fun?" Thomas asked, as he approached Alex. It wasn't a threatening statement but Alex couldn't help but shutter at the coldness in his voice. 

Alex cleared his throat, wiping his nose with his sleeve. He didn't know if he should tell him about how he fought with Eliza. He didn't want Thomas to tell him to stop being friends with Eliza- even though he knew that he didn't deserve her, and he never would. 

"Yeah.. I had fun." Alex said slowly. 

Thomas smiled at him, and Alex felt his heart rate go down just slowly. Thomas reached his hand out when he finally stood in front of Alex, and stroked a stray strand of hair behind Alex's ear- he'd always joked about how that strand never seemed to stay in it's place. 

"Did you let him **fuck** you?" Thomas said, in almost a whisper- and Alex's breath hitched when Thomas yanked at his hair, hard enough that few pieces went with it. 

"I.. Thomas.. What?" Alex whispered, confused by the sudden change in his mood. "I don't understand." 

"Whoever you were with tonight.. Did you let him fuck you?" Thomas said slowly, as if that would somehow explain why he was asking Alex this absurd question in the first place. 

"I was with Eliza, Thomas." Alex said, his voice wavering despite his attempt to keep it steady. He was scared, even though he didn't want to admit it. He'd been hoping for one more good night with Thomas, but he knew that it was nearly impossible. 

"You were with Eliza?" Thomas chuckled, although there was no humor to his laugh. "You come here looking pathetic.. Crying.. And you expect me to believe you were with Eliza? What's wrong darling, was he too rough on you- did something you didn't like?" 

"No, I promise I was with-" 

"He'd could probably smell the whore on you, just like your mother." Thomas hissed. "No wonder you two almost died the same way.. You're just like her." 

Alex felt his blood run cold. He'd confided in Thomas, and trusted him with that- when he told him about his mother. He'd told him about how no one would help Alex and his mother.. Not when everyone viewed her as the 'town whore'. Alex could feel his ears ringing when he heard Thomas say that to him. He'd trusted him. 

"How dare you." Alex whispered. "I've given up everything for you, Thomas! I never see my family anymore.. I fought with Eliza today. She-she saw the bruises on my arms and she blamed you, Thomas! I stuck up for you. I could have lost my best friend because of **you**!" 

Alex was breathless when he finished, and he could feel his pulse throughout his entire body. He'd never raised his voice at Thomas like that.. Ever. At first, it seemed as if Thomas was done fighting, as he turned away from Alex. 

.. And then his fist connected with Alex's face. 

Alex had been punched before. When he was younger and new to the Washington family, he'd gotten in to too many fights to count. He remembered coming home with a bloody nose and the fear that this would be the time his foster parents decided that he wasn't worth it. 

But he had never been punched by someone he loved- and damn it, that hurt a lot more. He hit his head on the brick wall behind him, and he could feel the bricks digging into his scalp as another picture of him and Thomas fell- barely missing his head. 

He sobbed almost instantaneously, as he brought his hand to his nose. Thomas had never hit him before. He'd always convinced himself that it was never really abuse because Thomas had never hit him.. But now.. What was he supposed to do now? 

"Thomas.." Alex sobbed, as he looked down at the blood on his hands. 

"Looks broken, darling." Thomas said, voice void of emotion. He squatted down next to Alex, as if he were going to comfort him.. But Alex cried out when Thomas reached out to grab his jaw, his nails digging into Alex's cheeks. "You are a whore, Alex. Don't fight me on this. I was kind enough to let you into this house.. Do you know how quickly I could get you sent back to Nevis? Whose going to listen to you? I have more power than Washingtons- if I say the word.. You're gone. Do you understand, Alex?" 

Alex knew that was false. He'd read every law book imaginable- he'd practically spent his teenage years with George reading them to him like they were bedtime stories. But Thomas was so convincing, and he believed him. There was no doubt in his mind that Thomas was capable of that. 

"I understand." Alex slurred, the blood running in his mouth. 

"Now clean up, pathetic bastard." Thomas snapped.   
Alex watched as Thomas retreated away from him. He waited until he could no longer see Thomas, before he allowed himself to finally break down. He cried for the second time that day, and to say he felt helpless would be an understatement.

He shakily reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone. 

He picked John's number. 

**Alex: Is it worth loving someone if you lose everything else?**

X 

It had been a hard night, and John was ready for it to be over. He'd seen it before.. Abused children- but for some reason this one had struck a chord- and he didn't know why. 

Okay, maybe he did know why. He'd been talking to Alex again today, and now abuse seemed to be following him. 

He was helpless as he watched the boy writhe on the bed, and he was almost certain that his ribs were broken- but there was only so much that John could do. He couldn't be older that six, and John hated seeing children in pain. 

"I know buddy.." John said soothingly as the boy sniffled and cried. "I know it hurts, but that medicine should kick in real soon." 

"Isn't there.. Something else you can give him?" The mom sobbed. "He's in so much pain." 

John shook his head and tried not to regard the mother with a look of shame. She'd explained that her boyfriend had done this, and she was leaving him for good- but according to the boy's chart it wasn't the first time he'd been in the hospital this year. A part of him felt guilty, because he knew that child protection services would have to be contacted. 

"I'm afraid not." John said slowly. "I've administered another dose of pain medicine, and it should kick in soon. He's very young and we risk hurting him even more if we give him too much." 

"How did this happen?" The woman whispered, and John believed it was more to herself than to John- but he wasn't sure. "It used to just be me.. Why would he hit my baby?" 

Before John could answer the x-ray tech was at the door, he walked in after knocking and gave John an a sympathetic smile. "We're ready to take Mr. Ethan to get some x-rays done. It shouldn't take that long, and we'll have him back in no time." 

The woman tearfully nodded, and John was thankful that the little boy seemed to be out of it as they started to move his bed and jostle him slightly. John was less thankful that he was now left alone with the mother who seemed to feel awkward being alone with a nurse. 

John, in turn, tried to focus on the chart in front of him. 

"I'm going to leave him this time, you know." The mother said to John, as if she could read his mind. "I'm actually leave this time, and I'm not coming back." 

John was reminded of his mother. It was almost the exact same thing that she'd screamed when his father had laid his hands him- it hadn't been nearly as bad, just a couple slaps.. But it had done enough and his mother had been furious. 

"I thought I loved him- but I was wrong." The woman explained. "What would you do?" 

Something in John broke, and he wasn't sure if it was the double night shifts or if it was the fact that he'd been with this little boy all day- hearing the mother say the same thing over and over. 

"I would decide what was important to me." John said bluntly. "Because you keep telling me that you're going to leave him, ma'am.. But he's been here four times this year. So you need to decide what's important to you.. Your boyfriend or your son's life!" 

"John!" A voice snapped. 

John turned his head to see his charge nurse standing in the doorway, she looked angry as she motioned him over. John took one last look at the woman, who was now staring at her feet.. Ashamed. He felt badly as he followed his charge nurse into the hallway. 

"What the hell was that?" She hissed.   
"I'm sorry- I just.. It's been a long night." John admitted. "I think the lack of sleep is just getting to me and she asked for my opinion.. And her son has been crying all night." 

She looked sympathetic as she nodded, placing a hand on John's shoulder. "You're burnt out, sweetheart. Why don't you go outside to take a break for a bit while he's getting his x-rays. I'll come get you when he's ready." 

John was going to protest, but he could already tell that this was an order and not a request. John nodded before reluctantly making his way out of the emergency doors. He had never really taken long breaks, but he had seen the other nurses gossiping by the ambulance drop off- on the sidewalk. 

John sighed as he pressed his forehead against the concrete wall. He just wanted to go home and see Lafayette and Hercules be cute with petit Gilbert- and he slid down the wall with an exaggerated breath. 

He felt for his phone in his pocket, and unlocked it-finally seeing the text he'd received about four hours ago. 

**Alex: Is it worth loving someone if you lose everything else?**

John didn't mean to.. He really didn't. But his mind kept flashing back to the woman inside, with her broken son- making excuses for a man who just kept hurting her and her son. Alex was not that woman. John didn't know him, but he could tell that he was lonely.. Scared. 

Nevertheless, he didn't think when he texted back. 

**John: He doesn't love you, Alex. It's about time you realize that instead of texting me when he hurts your feelings.**

He didn't even read over it, before he pressed pressing send. Maybe he should have because it wasn't like him.. He would never turn someone down- someone who needed his help. 

His heart broke when he got the text back.. 

**Alex: I'm so sorry to bother you. I never meant to be a bother.**   
**Alex: I'm just.. Pretty sure my nose is broken and I don't know what to do.**

John rested his head against the wall. He remembered Alex texting him, and telling him about how his boyfriend had never hit him.. That had changed tonight, and the boy on the other end needed a friend- even if it was a stranger on the phone. 

John had a feeling in the pit of his stomach- and it was terrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Okay* let me stick up for my boys here, because they are wonderfully flawed and I love writing them this way and I love Alex and John with my entire heart. 
> 
> Alex: I know it's easy to be annoyed with him, I know. I promise. When I was writing this, I was like 'WTF just listen to Eliza', but that's how abuse works. It's annoying and it makes people into stubborn, desperate, and fearful people. I was trying to depict this when Thomas convinced Alex that he can remove him from everything he knows- He can't do that. Alex KNOWS he can't do that. But he's so scared of him that he truly believes he can hurt him no matter what. He's trying to convince himself that Thomas does love him, and it's hard for him to listen to Eliza who only wants the best. Also, Eliza didn't go about it the best way *bless her heart*, as her anger seem more towards Alex but she doesn't understand, which I wouldn't expect her to. 
> 
> John: Okay, so this one.. I can speak from personal experience. Nurses constantly are at risk for what people call 'burn out'. It's hard to explain, but basically we are just emotionally drained. It's hard to be nice and it's hard to be emotionally equipped to deal with people who need you after you've spent all day being kind to people who may not be so kind to you at times. Not to mention, abuse is personal to John.. and he has yet tor realize just how dire Alex's situation is. 
> 
> Okay, bless your hearts! Thank you so much for reading and please leave me a comment~


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George knows something is up with his adopted son, he just doesn't know how to fix it; things are getting worse for Alex, but it's not so bad when you have people who care for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW. This chapter took me a little bit to write, because I've been perpetually exhausted lately (in plus, I've been playing the sims again and I lose track of time). This chapter is a little darker, just a warning- but it gets fluffy at the end. 
> 
> I was going to update sometime during the week, but I had two nursing tests- one on my monday (for pharmacology) and one on Friday. My Monday score could have been better- I got an 83.. But that's a C in nursing, or a C+ Our grading scale is super tough. 
> 
> But I got an A on the one on friday! So yay! 
> 
> That being said, there will be no new chapter next week, and I'm SO sorry. But I have three finals on May 1st and I'm bordering a C in my pharm class and I need to get it together. I hate not updating and I would much rather do that than study, but alas.. priorities. 
> 
> That being said, when I come back the week after (sometime after the third), I will update this story and write a One-shot for Now That You're Here.. so it will be worth the wait.

George notices a change in Alexander and he decides, perhaps rather selfishly, that it's for the best if he doesn't tell Martha about how Alexander has changed. She worries a lot about Alex, and George knows that they're both getting older- and stress isn't good for his wife. 

So he keeps it to himself, which is fine. He tells himself that maybe he is overreacting. After all, Alex doesn't visit much anymore and the only time he actually sees him is at work. But Alex is his son, whether he likes to admit it or not; George hopes that if something was wrong Alexander would be comfortable enough to tell his adopted father. 

He can't shake the feeling that Alex is hiding something from him- that he's being hurt in some way. He came to them when he was so young. He was little and scared, having just lost his mother. He didn't say much for awhile, mumbling only a few sentences in French. They knew that he'd had a troubled past, especially for such a young little boy. 

But he was bright, and after awhile he came out of his shell. He was the toughest child George had ever met, surviving sickness after sickness even after he was comfortable with his new family. Maybe that's why George didn't want to tell Martha, it tore his wife up to see Alexander so sick.. So broken. 

That's the word George would use to describe Alexander now. He was always so comfortable working in George's office, he would debate everyone- sending Aaron Burr away grumbling to himself on more than one occasion. He would always try to tell George when he thought he could be doing something better. He brought life into the office. 

Lately, things had been different. He was coming in late, which was unlike Alex. He looked more exhausted than usual, his dark eyes standing out against his suddenly pale face. George couldn't miss the way his sweaters seemed to fall off of him, and he knew Alex wasn't eating. George was worried, but he didn't want to confront Alex about it. He knew that he would react defensively. 

George knew the cause of this, deep down. This had all started when Alex started dating his boyfriend almost a year ago. It was the little things at first, such as Alex cancelling plans he'd made with Martha and George. George had equated it to him growing up.. He was finally on his own after all, and it was only natural that he wouldn't want to be with his parents as much. 

But it wasn't just that- he'd seemed so withdrawn lately. He had been missing that certain spark that was infuriating and amazing all at the same time. 

He didn't feel like George's son. George couldn't shake the feeling that Thomas was hurting Alex in some way, but he risked scaring his son away by confronting him about it. 

George tapped his pen against his desk, looking back up at the clock. It was already eight o'clock, and Alexander was beyond late. He used to pass by George's office everyday, heading towards the break room and to the coffee- peeking his head in to complain about Adams or Burr. 

But not lately. 

George sat up when he saw Burr go by his office. "Burr!" He called, hoping to catch the man before he went and holed himself up in his office. 

"Sir?" Aaron asked, peeking his head around the corner. His hands were full of papers, and he looked a little more unorganized than usual. 

"Is Alexander here?" George asked. 

Burr frowned, a concerned look flashing across his face. He knew then that Alexander's change in behavior must be obvious to everyone. Aaron was Alex's rival, a while ago if Burr had found out that Alex was late for the third day in a row- he would have smirked or made a snide comment. 

"No.. I haven't see him." Burr said slowly. "I'll let you know, sir." 

George nodded towards the papers in Burr's hands. "Getting a lot of work done today?" 

Aaron nodded, and smiled in a way that so uncharacteristically Burr. "Yes, sir. Today is Theo's fourth birthday, and well.. Theodosia has been sick so I was hoping that you could-" 

"Say no more." George smiled. "Tell Theo I said happy birthday." 

George was rewarded by Burr's grin. "I will, sir. Thank you." 

He nodded towards Burr and watched him walk away, before he reached down and grabbed his phone. George dialed Alex's number, and much to his surprise Alexander picked up on the second ring. "Hello?" A voice whispered on the other side. George's blood ran cold.. he sounded as if he were afraid. 

"Alex.. Where the heck are you, son?" George asked, trying to keep his voice calm. "It's nearly eight-fifteen, you've never been this late." 

"I'm sorry." Alex whispered, and George could hear the regret in his voice. "I'm v-very sick, and I was going to call you- but I fell asleep. I understand if you want to let me go.. I don't expect any special treatment." 

George knew he was lying. He never missed work, and he definitely wouldn’t do it for his own health. But George didn't want to bring this up to him over the phone. "Nonsense.. Just get some rest, son. Okay? Do you need Martha to make you something warm to eat." 

There was a weak chuckle on the other end. "No. I'm fine. Thank you." 

George bid Alex goodbye and put down the phone. He leaned back in the chair, somehow feeling even more dreadful after talking to Alex. He sounded so.. Lifeless. 

He could hear thunder rumble from outside, and his heart ached for his adopted son. 

X 

Alex curled up on himself as thunder rumbled from outside, he tried to keep his breathing even. He knew that if he woke up Thomas there would be hell to pay- and he didn't know how much more he could take. 

He was scared and lonely. Something changed in Thomas after he punched Alex and nearly broke his nose. Alex didn't recognize him anymore. He was forbidden from going into their room, and Thomas would throw out random articles of clothing everyday. 

Thomas refused to talk to him.. Speaking only when Alex did something wrong. Alex hadn't been able to leave the house, although he wasn't sure who he would visit in the first place. He couldn't risk his parents seeing his black and blue face- and he'd lost Eliza. 

He was alone. 

He whimpered when he heard another crack of thunder, and he winced when he put his hand on his mouth, exacerbating the wound on his face. He needed to go somewhere, he needed to get away from the thunder but where was he going to go? 

He was terrified. He was helpless. 

Alex stood on shaky feet, making his way to the bathroom. He turned on the light and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked horrible.. His face was a variety of colors now, and his nose was still the worst- and his cheek had become swollen. 

When did he allow it to get like this? He was so stupid and foolish. This was all his fault, everything was always his fault. His mother had died, because he'd gotten her sick. His cousin had killed himself because Alex was too much. He'd chased Eliza away.. He'd chased John away. He was too much. 

He deserved this, in the end. 

The world would be none the wiser if he died, and this thought terrified Alex. It might even be better without a useless loud-mouth making everything worse. 

But deep down, he wanted to live. It scared him that lately it seemed like the only way out. Alex took one more look at his face, before he left the bathroom. He grabbed his phone off of the coffee table. He was lucky Thomas hadn't taken that from him. 

But it was only matter of time. 

**Alex: John. I'm sorry that I'm so annoying. You were right. I think Thomas is treating me bad, but I don't know what to do.**

Alexander looked around, afraid that Thomas would be standing in the doorway. He didn't want him to text Eliza, and he didn't know what excuse he could come up with. Thomas could always see right through him. 

His heart did a somersault when his phone vibrated with John's text. 

**John: I'm sorry, I was having a rough night. You're not annoying. In fact, I like talking to you a lot.**

**John: What did he do to you? R u ok?**

Alex couldn't help but smile at that text, but he kept his eyes on the hallway- waiting for any noise from the other room. 

**Alex: He hit me. I don't think my nose is broken.. I can still smell things and it doesn't feel crooked?**

******John: It's probably not broken. Do you have someone who can take you to the hospital?** ** **

******Alex: No.. Thomas wouldn't want that. I don't want to make him mad.. I'm afraid.** ** **

******Alex: In plus, I don't think I have any friends.** ** **

******John: I'm your friend.** ** **

******John: I mean, I would think I'm your friend. Phone friend? Sry if that's awkward.** ** **

******John: It's just.. I know a lot about you now?** ** **

Alex smiled. He didn't feel so alone. Even if he was communicating with someone on the phone, he felt better. 

******Alex: I wish we could have become friends in better circumstances but yeah, I think I would consider you a friend :)** ** **

Alex jumped when he heard mumbling from the other room.. Thomas was up and he couldn't let him remember that he didn't take his cell phone. 

******Alex: I have to go, I think Thomas is awake.** ** **

******John: Be safe.** ** **

Alex looked at the text for longer than he should have. It felt so good to confide in someone. His phone vibrated again as he went to stuff his phone under the couch cushion. He would move it later, after Thomas left for work. 

Alex looked down at it quickly, thinking that it was John. He was shocked to see that it was not. 

******Liza: I know you're probably at work Alex, but I love you. There is absolutely nothing you could do that would make me not love you. I just want to protect you. You deserve to be protected.** ** **

Alex couldn't help but let out a small sob as he pressed his lips against the phone. 

Maybe.. He could get through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Eliza is me.
> 
> Please leave me a comment~
> 
> ALSO, just a note. Just because Alex realizes Thomas doesn't treat him well, doesn't mean he's completely healed. This isn't a linear issue, he's going to take 1,000 steps back before he moves forward.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas is having a good day, and Alex prays that it lasts (it never lasts); John confides in Hercules and Lafayette and gets a very blunt answer that he was prepared to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm officially on summer break and I passed this year of nursing school (Yay!). That being said, I'm very tired and this week I want to just chillax and play the sims 4. So I'm putting this chapter out a little earlier in the week, and I'll have a one-shot for you guys on Friday! 
> 
> Now, you may notice that I DID change the rating of this story from Teen and up to Mature. There's a little bit of the sex scene at the end, between Thomas and Alex. You're free to skip over it because, Thomas is abusive and Alex is having a bit of an emotional breakdown during it BUT it is consensual. It's also not very graphic, because I'm a lil bean who isn't good at writing sex scenes and my knowledge is limited to like my one major relationship I had.

Somewhere in the back of Alex's mind, which he'd collectively filed as 'things he'd rather not think about', he's aware that everyone gets tired of him and leaves.. Eventually. His father was the first example of this. He'd left when Alexander was so young, he barely had any memories of him; the only memory he truly had was his father's back as he retreated, promising to bring Alex and James something real special when he returned home. 

The next person to leave Alex's life, was his mother.. His sweet, docile mother. Rachel Hamilton had done everything in her power to protect her boys, especially Alex, who had been victim to some particularly cruel taunts. She hadn't been able to hide the fact that her husband left- the name 'Hamilton' following her around like a curse. 

Likewise, Alex hadn't been able to hide the fact that he was a bastard.. That he may not even be the son of James Hamilton. Alex looked nothing like his father- taking after his mother's dark hair, brown eyes, and olive skin tone. 

His mother had been the last person he ever expected to leave.. But she did. It hadn't been her fault, she could prevent the sickness any more than Alex could. But he had to believe that it had been some sort of punishment that he had survived, despite the fact that he should have been too young to fend off any sickness. 

His mother had died. 

His brother James had left him next, and he hadn't heard from him after that. 

Next was his cousin Peter. He could still feel his arms burning as he tried to wrangle him down from the banister from which he had hung himself. He hadn't been able to get any help- and he had watched his cousin's body dangled until the neighbor had heard his cries and came to investigate. 

All of the foster families had given up on him, and with the way things were going now- Alex feared that the Washingtons would soon see that he wasn't worth it. 

Everyone he loved left him eventually- so he didn't think Thomas would be an exception. He was too much to handle. 

That being said, he could have cried when he woke up to Thomas stroking his hair back from his face. 

He had jumped just slightly, expecting Thomas to grab a hold of his hair and tell him how terrible he had been. Alex's scalp was just now scabbing over from the last time Thomas had pulled his hair. His mind was racing, trying to figure out what exactly he'd done wrong; he hadn't slept in their room, he only spoke to Thomas when addressed, and he was there whenever Thomas needed him. 

Thomas seemed to sense his fear because his eyes softened and he placed a kiss on Alex's forehead; Alex couldn't help the shiver that ran through his body- it had felt like such a long time since he had received affection. 

"Thomas.." He whispered, his voice still heavy with sleep. "M'not in trouble anymore?" 

Thomas' eyes widened, and Alex thought that maybe he'd felt bad for his actions. His heart skipped a beat, because how bad could Thomas be.. if he felt bad for what he did? This could be the last time, Alex's heart supplied (deep down he knew it wasn't the last time). 

Thomas ran his thumbs across Alex's cheeks, wiping the tears that he hadn't known he was shedding. "No baby, you're not in trouble. You learned your lesson, right?" 

Had Alex learned his lesson? Thomas would never admit that he'd done anything wrong. 

Alex nodded quickly, and Thomas' smile lit up his face- reminding Alex what he had loved about him in the first place. Thomas helped Alex sit up, and Alex could see him try not to pay attention to Alex's bruised face or his split lip. 

"I thought I could take you out today." Thomas said, his smile widening as Alex looked towards the window in excitement. "We could go to the mall, would you like that?" 

Alex took in a shaky breath and smiled. "I would love that." 

"We just have to cover up the bruises on your face." Thomas shrugged, and he was so nonchalant about the way he had hurt Alex, that it broke his heart. 

Alex simply nodded, watching as Thomas got up from where he was kneeling and made his way to the bathroom. He came back about a minute later, with foundation that was about a shade too light for Alex's skin- Alex could see that it was unopened and that Thomas had planned ahead. 

He barely made any noise as Thomas slowly put the makeup over his bruised skin, only hissing whenever Thomas pressed down too hard. 

"I know it hurts, baby. But we don't anyone seeing that you were punished." Thomas said quietly, as if Alex had asked to be punished. 

He finished in a few minutes, and allowed Alex to go to their bedroom in order to get dressed. It felt weird walking into their room after a week of being banned from entering. He picked out an outfit, and then realized that the shirt wasn't long enough, and everyone would be able to see the bruises on his arms (he ignored the part of his brain that told him 'this is not normal'.) 

Thomas was already at the door when he was finished getting dressed. He froze when he saw Thomas staring at him.. Had he taken too long? Thomas was wearing sunglasses and he couldn't quite see his expression. 

"You look good, darling." Thomas smiled, and Alex felt his heart slow just slightly. 

Alex smiled.. he was doing good. 

X 

Alex couldn't help but feel antsy during the car ride to the mall. His hand hovered just above his pocket where his phone was- and when he looked at Thomas, he felt disgusting that he would even think about texting John. 

But John was a friend. He'd been texting John for over a week now, and it was so nice. They didn't talk about his relationship with Thomas. They talked about other things. They talked about how John was a nurse, and about how he was training to move up to the pediatric floor. 

He sent John the funny 'memes' that Peggy would text him, and he would tell John about how he missed his parents. He told him about how Martha and George made him feel loved, about how Martha loved to garden and how Alex loved to help her. He told him about how his adopted parents had bought him a duck for his eighteenth birthday, and about how Aristotle was still alive to this day (John thought that the name 'Aristotle' was dorky). 

And now.. Alex was scared and suspicious- and he needed someone to talk to. 

"Thomas?" Alex said suddenly. 

Thomas took his eyes off of the road for a second, turning the radio down. "Yeah, babe?" 

"Can I-uh-Can I text my mom?" He asked (and part of his brain told him that this was NOT normal). "I haven't talked to her in awhile, and George said she's been feeling upset." 

"Yeah, sure." Thomas smiled, and he looked at Alex like he was proud, and Alex felt so good about himself. 

Alex scrolled down to John's name. He always deleted his text messages after he was done talking to him. He couldn't risk Thomas finding out. 

**Alex: Thomas is taking me out, he's in a really good mood.. I'm scared.**

Alex pressed the phone screen down against his leg, afraid of Thomas catching a glimpse of his screen. It didn't take long for John to text back. 

**John: I know it may seem like he's nice now, Alex. But it can change any minute.**

**John: Be careful. Text me if you need me.**

"Are you texting her a novel babe?" Thomas asked, a hint of aggravation present in his voice. 

Alex said a quick apology and hastily deleted the messages. 

X 

John wasn't paying much attention to Lafayette and Hercules. It was a Saturday night, and he had promised the two that he would watch them play whatever video game they had decided to play on that particular night. 

But his mind was on Alex. He had texted the boy back earlier that day, but he hadn't responded back. He hoped that whatever he was doing, he was safe. He was half-tempted to text him, but he knew that it would only put him in more danger. 

"Dude.. Are you kidding me?" Hercules yelled throwing the controller down. "Supergirl could take down Superman any day, bro!" 

"They have the same powers." Lafayette chuckled, looking down at his nails. "And I guess it just depends on who is playing them, and obviously I'm the superior player." 

John decided to put his phone down then, and he rolled his eyes at his roommates from where he was curled up on the couch. It was his day off, and he had been planning on taking a nap- but it had been such a long time since he could watch his nerd roommates play video games. 

"What are you even playing?" John yawned. 

Lafayette picked up the game case. "Injustice 2, and Hercules is just bitter because he can't play." 

Hercules stuck his tongue out at Lafayette, in what John decided was a very childish manner- and Lafayette picked up little Gilbert the cat, and pulled him closer to his chest. 

"Wait how did you guys even afford the game, it's like sixty dollars!" John asked. 

Lafayette shrugged. "I'm rich." 

John opened his mouth to respond, but then quickly closed it. He forgot all about Lafayette's previous life in France, and how most of the time the rent was paid by Lafayette who hated to see John and Hercules scramble to gather an adequate amount of money. 

John's eyes wandered down his phone again. 

"Who've you been texting?" Lafayette asked, a smirk on his lips. "Is it that George King? I knew you two would hit it off if you gave him a chance-" 

"No.." John said slowly, his nose scrunching when he remembered the way the man spoke of himself and the strong smell of his cologne. "It's.. His name is Alex." 

"Alex?" Hercules asked, and John knew he was trying to see if he remembered him. "Is he cute?" 

"I don't know." John said slowly. He assumed Alex was very cute, by just his personality alone. But he had no idea what his face looked like; he knew it was most likely a cute face, even though Alex spoke as if he would never find anyone who loved him the way his 'Thomas' did. "We're not dating." 

"Then why.." Lafayette trailed off. 

"It's a long story." John sighed. "He texted the wrong number, and I answered.. And he-he's being abused by his boyfriend, and I'm the only person who knows. It's all very complicated." 

His two friends grew quiet, and John knew that ruined the mood of game night as they looked at John with a look of pity. John always fell for the people he couldn't have, and they assumed that Alex would end up just the same. 

"John.." Lafayette whispered. "What if something happens? What if he gets hurt and you don't say anything.. You'll never forgive yourself." 

John stood. "Just forget I said anything, I shouldn't have- I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed." 

Before his friends could respond he made his way to his room. He felt for his phone in his pocket, and thought about Alex- and how Thomas had him wrapped around his finger. He thought about how he would gladly break himself in half for his boyfriend. 

He hoped he was safe. 

X 

Alex gasped as Thomas moved slowly. It was so rare for him to be loved like this. But Thomas had treated him so well that day. He'd bought him some new clothes, he'd taken him out to eat (he ordered the salad for Alex), and then he'd taken him home. 

He'd taken one look at the bruises on Alex's face, and kissed him all over, pulled him on the bed and ravished him gently. 

It had been so long since he'd been loved this gently. He wrapped his legs around Thomas' waist, expecting for Thomas to push his legs down, move harder and faster- make Alex cry. But he simply ran his hand up his thighs, burying his face in his neck. 

Alex couldn't stop the tears from streaming down his face. He didn't know what to do with his hands, because he was so used to them being pinned above his head. He wasn't used to having this much control in his own body- his own movements. 

He was overwhelmed. 

"I love you baby." Thomas mumbled into his neck. "I'll never hurt you like that again." 

Alex wrapped his hands in Thomas' hair, gently pressing it down. He couldn't make any noises, other than the choked gasps he was letting out already. 

"Do you love me, darling?" Thomas asked, moving slightly harder and Alex let out a whine. Thomas sounded so unsure. 

"I love you." Alex whispered, his tears keeping him from speaking any louder. 

He did love him. Deep down he loved him. He hated himself for loving him. He hated himself for regretting loving him. 

Alex moaned and closed his eyes, turning his head towards the pillow. 

He hoped that this lasted, that Thomas would stay like this. 

Dear God, he hoped it lasted. 

(It never lasted).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment (I love them!) 
> 
> Also, Alex and John will be meeting in like the eleventh or twelfth chapter- so prepare for that. That's like the end of the first part, because there's kind of a natural break. I'll take a week off to write out the second part, which will hopefully be eleven more chapters (I'm trying to cut out any similarities between NTYH and this story).


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex visits his parents and everything falls apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm super glad to be back, and I want to thank all of you for your well-wishes. They gave me such a good feeling in my tummy and I thought about them when I went in the operating room. I was going to get this up during the weekend, but I actually had some complications during the surgery. I have asthma pretty bad, and when I woke from the anesthesia I couldn't breathe. My blood pressure dropped to 45/50, which is wayyy too low, and my heart rate was about 140. I had a hospital stay until my BP got up, but I'm doing just fine now. 
> 
> My foot is still a little achy, and I'm going to be off of it for about 6 weeks so I'll have a lot of time to write- but I'll also be napping and stuff because the pain meds make me sleepy. 
> 
> ENOUGH ABOUT ME THOUGH
> 
> Remember how I said Alex takes 1,000 steps back? Yeah, this is like one of those times. I'm sorry if this seems a bit rushed. I was not feeling super great towards the end so I love you guys and hope you still like it.

Alex felt nervous, and he tried to remind himself that he had absolutely no reason to be nervous. He had a hundred reasons to be anxious lately, and this shouldn't be one of them. He had finally convinced Thomas to let him see his parents. He should be excited. 

But instead he just felt a numbing sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. A feeling that something wasn't quite right. He thought maybe it was due to the fact that he was currently trying to cover the bruising on his face (he found himself thankful that the split lip was nearly healed). 

He was so terrified of them noticing. What would they think of Thomas? What would they think of him? They wouldn't understand. Martha and George had known each other since they were children, when George was still tugging at Martha's pigtails, trying to get her attention. 

They wouldn't understand that sometimes Alex was TOO much, and simultaneously not enough. They wouldn't understand how hard he was to deal with, to live with. Sure, they'd raised Alex since he was eight-years-old and scared of his own shadow, but he'd been so well-behaved for them- scared of being sent back to Nevis. 

He couldn't be sent back- and that's what Thomas would do.   
He promised. 

Alex looked at himself critically in the mirror, taking in every wrinkle on his face. He looked older than he really was, with his deep eye bags and wrinkles that seemed to be permanently etched on his face. He looked like he was falling apart, and he felt like it too. When he had taken a shower that morning he'd pulled out a huge chunk of hair. He'd stared at it for a full minute or so, almost confused. 

In the end, he just blamed it on lack of sleep. He never really slept. He was either up with Thomas or he was trying to finish work for George. 

Thomas liked to blame it solely on his job, saying Alex didn't get paid enough for all the work he did (which had Alex perplexed, because just last week he was telling Alex that he didn't have a 'real job'.) 

Alex sighed before putting the make-up back and grabbing his jacket. He could only hope that everything would be okay. 

X 

The Washingtons weren't exactly 'rich' but they lived comfortably- although to Alex, he would always think they were the wealthiest people he'd ever known. They moved to a comfortable estate after George had left politics, where Martha could have her garden and their was a small pond in the front. 

The house reminded Alex of a cottage out of a fairytale; a home that belonged more on an English countryside rather than a home in the outskirts of New York City. 

Alex was automatically hit with a wave of nostalgia as he pulled up to their house.. The small amount of childhood that Alex had spent in the home had been almost idyllic to say the least. 

Thomas had been kind enough to let him use the other car today, and he was thankful because he never knew what to say to the uber drivers who picked him up. He made sure to double check that it was locked before he walked away from it. 

Alex didn't even get to knock on the door, before Martha opened it roughly and pulled him inside, her arms squeezing the air out of him. He tried not to wince as she unknowingly pressed on the bruises on his arms. The last thing he wanted to do was raise suspicion as to why he was hurting. 

He couldn't help but sigh into the hug, burying his face into the top of his adopted mother's hair, as he took in the smell of her. She smelled like home and comfort, and Alex could almost remember the first time he actually opened up to her. Her soft, motherly embrace was almost enough to bring tears in his eyes- and he could have told her everything right there. 

"Oh, Alexander, we've missed you." She whispered, and she pulled away to give him a good look. He felt scrutinized under her gaze- and already knew what she was going to say before she actually said it. "You look so skinny, honey. Have you been eating?" 

Alex chuckled at how predictable his dotting mother could be sometimes. "Too much, actually." 

Before she could comment, George walked in the room letting out a loud chuckle when he saw Alex standing in the entryway. "Alexander! You're feeling better." 

"Feeling better?" Martha snapped, looking at George and then back at Alex. "Were you sick, Alexander?" 

Alex was confused at first, as he tried to remember what exactly his adopted father was referring to. Luckily, he remembered he'd told George that he was sick in order to come up with an excuse as to why he didn't make it to work. 

"I was a little under the weather." Alex smiled uneasily, he didn't miss the way George's eyes scanned over him suspiciously. 

"And you didn't tell me?" Martha gasped, glaring at George and taking his attention away from Alexander. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I'm sorry! He's a grown boy, he could tell you." George said playfully. 

Martha clicked her tongue but shook her head. "It's okay. I'll forgive you both this time. For now, get yourself settled and then you and I can start on dinner." 

"Sounds great." Alex smiled. 

And it really did. 

X 

Alex hadn't felt this comfortable in a while. He followed George outside to the garden, pretending like he was interested when his adopted father explained the landscaping work in great detail. He finally became reunited with ducks that Martha and George had bought when he was younger (he was surprised they were still alive). 

It was nice not to have to talk about his relationships and whether or not it was healthy, and even though he didn't say it out loud, it was very nice to cook with Martha once more. 

"You're still the worse at cracking eggs, Alexander." Martha tutted as she picked the eggshells out of the bowl. 

"Sorry." Alex smiled, helping her roll out the dough for what he believed was homemade noodles. There was flour all over the kitchen and it reminded him of being younger, back before he had things to worry about. Back before he had bruises to cover. 

He was comfortable. 

Too comfortable. 

He didn't notice when Martha smiled at the small bit of flour that had landed on his nose. He hadn't noticed her pick up the dishrag and wet it slightly. He was so comfortable that he didn't stop her when she lovingly wiped the flour from his face. 

He was so comfortable, and he had missed her so much. 

She gasped when she saw the bruising across his nose. The dishrag fell from her hands, and it was so quiet that it made the loudest noise in Alex's mind. He could feel himself being yanked back in reality. He had been exposed. Thomas has been exposed. 

"Alex.. Who.. What?" Martha stuttered, and Alex could see the tears already gathering in her eyes. It had been such a good day. Why did he have to ruin it. "Who did this to you, sweetheart?" 

Alex shook his head and backed away, his fight or flight senses begging him to run. The large house that he'd grown up in seemed to small at the moment. It felt as if it were closing in on him. He was going to be crushed.. He couldn't breathe. 

"It was Thomas, Martha." A voice said lowly. 

Alex turned his head to see George standing in the doorway. Alex knew that he most likely had heard the conversation from the beginning. 

George didn't look angry, although his fists were clenched- he still looked at his son with a gaze of pity. It made Alex sick. 

"I-I.. Saw how he changed, but I didn't know how to bring it up." George whispered, as if he were talking to himself. "What did he do to your face, son?" 

Alex was at a loss for words as he looked between his parents; they looked so heartbroken, and he couldn't help but feel like this was all his fault. 

"Thomas didn't-" Alex whimpered. "You don't understand.. I.. I'm too much." 

Martha gasped and buried her face in her hands. George suppressed a sob as he shook his head. Everything was falling apart and Alex couldn't breathe. Alex couldn't breathe. He had to go. Everything was too small. His clothes were too tight. He was too small. 

Before either one of his parents could react.. he was gone, hurrying out the door. He stumbled over his feet as he tried to get away from the home he loved. 

It had always been so large.. 

Now it looked tiny. 

X 

Thomas paced from where he stood in front of Alex, and Alex couldn't bring himself to look up from where his stare was fixed on the ground.   
He knew that Thomas was mad, or anxious.. He wasn't sure. He'd told him that his parents had seen the bruises, that they knew.. 

"Why the hell didn't you hide them, Alex?" Thomas snapped, but his voice didn't seem so sure of itself. Alex thought that maybe Thomas was afraid of George- but then he remembered that Thomas wasn't afraid of anything. 

"I-I did." Alex whispered. "She wiped it off and- I'm sorry Thomas." 

Thomas didn't say anything as he stood in front of Alex. "I knew I shouldn't have let you go, but I fucking did. You always talk me into these stupid things, Alex." 

Alex nodded in agreement. He got them into this. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should be- you should be mad at me." 

Thomas stared at Alex, his face blank. Alex almost winced, expecting Thomas to smack him or even punch him once more. Instead, he said the one thing that Alex had feared the most. "You need to quit that stupid job with your father." 

The one thing that gave him purpose. The one thing that made him busy. The only place he could actually communicate with people and be happy- be himself. Thomas wanted to take that away from him. "No.. Thomas. I-I love my job." 

Thomas' face grew angry and Alex realized his grave mistake. Before he could move out of the way, Thomas grabbed a hold of his wrists- squeezing them so tightly that he couldn't help but let out a pitiful sob. 

"Why do you hate me Alex?" Thomas snapped. "Don't you realize all that I've done for you? I put up with your stupid ass. I put up with your weight gain. I put up with how absolutely pathetic you are. They're trying to break us up!" 

"Thomas." Alex whined, trying to force his wrists away. 

"I'm the only one that's going to love you." Thomas snapped. "Do you want to be sent back to Nevis, Alex? Become a whore like your mother?" 

"Okay Thomas.. Okay!" Alex cried. 

"Okay what?" Thomas snapped, and Alex sobbed when Thomas let go of his wrists. His eyes were wild as he watched Alex sink to the floor. 

Alex's heart broke. 

"I'll quit my job."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment! 
> 
> Also, thank you for all of your kind comments. I actually didn't answer them, because there was a lot (omg) and I've been very sleepy, like I said. But they were so sweet. I'll just answer like a few I remember getting with specific questions. 
> 
> I had a couple people saying I'm a cinnamon roll- which, omg, thank you. My friends always tell me I'm Eliza because I'm very forgiving and I don't like hurting people. It takes a lot to get me mad. 
> 
> I had someone ask my pronouns. I'm a cis bisexual female. I go by she/her pronouns (that was so kind for you to ask). 
> 
> I also had someone ask about alternative summaries, which, I wasn't going to but it did lighten the mood so I'll see if I can pull some out from my notebook maybe in the second part. 
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading!


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex seeks out Eliza for help; Eliza learns about John and they both agree that they need to get Alex away from Thomas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM TRASH.. not really (but really). I almost didn't post a chapter this week, because this chapter was suuuuuuuuper long and my niece was over all weekend. My niece and I re-watch Sailor Moon every summer (which is something we've done since she was itty bitty) and she loves it, and I pretend that I'm like 'okay I'll watch it for you', but I LOVE IT. I'm not super into anime.. but I'm super into Sailor Moon. 
> 
> Then I saw Wonder Woman on Friday and it had me SHOOK. I left the theater a different person than when I entered. 
> 
> BUT I DID IT.. and I actually really like this chapter? And John and Alex are gonna meet in like two chapters and I need to write that really well so you guys are SHOOK.

It's a miracle that Thomas even lets him out of the house, and it takes some convincing for Thomas to let Alex see Eliza. He finally convinced him that Eliza could be trusted- that she didn't really try to get more information out of Alex. Finally, Alex tried to rely on Thomas' sympathy. He tells him that Eliza is his best friend, and she wouldn't talk about anything Alex didn't want her to. 

Eventually, Thomas relented. He smiled at Alex, in a way that Alex was not entirely familiar with. Alex tried to keep back his flinch as Thomas brushed a strand of hair back and kissed his forehead. He whispered, "you're so beautiful to me" in Alex's ear.. And Alex smiled- and he couldn't stop himself as he put his hand on top of Thomas', where it's resting on Alex's cheek. 

A part of him screams "look what he did to you". The voice sounds like Eliza, which he finds interesting. But it's enough to make him back away just slightly, not big enough to make Thomas think anything different. 

"I gotta go out for a bit, babe." Thomas smiled, reaching out to run a thumb over the bruise that's still marring Alex's face; Thomas let his thumb run over his split lip. "Don't forget to cover up your face.. It hasn't entirely healed yet." 

Alex nodded, making his way the bathroom. He didn't bother to clean himself up, waiting until he heard the door shut- and Thomas was gone. Alex looked at himself in the mirror, taking in the yellow bruises on his face. 

He looked down at his phone- at the text messages he'd sent Eliza just that morning. 

**Alex: I need to talk to you, Liza. I think I made a big mistake.**

**Liza: Meet me at the park at 4. Anything you've done can be fixed.**

Alex looked up at his reflection once more. He wasn't going to hide the truth from Eliza.. She already knew, so what was the point? Hiding this from everyone he loved was suffocating him, to the point where he felt as if he couldn't breathe. Sure, he had John who had been texting him all day. He felt horrible that he couldn't text him back, couldn't risk Thomas seeing him- especially now that he was effectively cut off from his parents. 

But he could always text him later. 

But now he needed to set things right with Eliza, before Thomas called him back home. 

X 

The September heat was giving way for the chill of fall, and Alex held his jacket closer to his body. Luckily the fall weather would make it easier to hide any bruises on his body and he wouldn't have to suffocate in the stifling heat any longer. 

Alex loved the fall. He loved how it was never too hot or too chilly; he'd loved it even before he had bruises to hide or people to ignore. It reminded of home; it reminded him of the way the Washingtons' house would smell like pumpkin pie, and going trick or treating when he was younger, with George's hand wrapped around his small one as he skipped from door to door. 

Alex had to stop in his tracks. Remembering things hurt.. It always had. It was something he'd grown used to, as the memories of his mother had hurt him just as badly not long ago. But he wasn't used to good memories hurting him. He so deeply wished that things good be that way again, but he was sure he'd ruined almost everything. 

"Alex, over here!" He was interrupted by Eliza's voice. He turned to see his best friend sitting on a park bench not far from where he was standing. 

He walked slowly towards her, anticipating her reaction but dreading it nevertheless. He was still gutted when he heard her sharp intake of breath when he finally came into close proximity to her. He could hear her choked "Alex", and he closed his eyes and put his hand up before she could continue. 

"Please.. Please don't cry." He whispered. "I know it's bad.. And I know it's your first time seeing it, but I can't stand to see you cry." 

He never could bear to see Eliza tear up, and the woman could be quite emotional. One of his worst memories used to be her face after they both realized that they were never going to be compatible romantically. Eliza had tearfully told him that she was pretty sure she liked girls, the same day he was going to break it off due to some boy he'd met in his Economics class. 

"Okay.." Eliza sniffed, and he opened his eyes to see her scrubbing at her cheeks furiously. "I could be tearing up because it's about forty-eight degrees out here and you decided to make me wait- and it's so cold because of climate change.. A-and our planet is dying.." 

Alex looked at her, almost amused as she rambled. 

"A-And I want to kill him for ever thinking that he could lay a goddamn hand on you.." She choked out, her jaw clenched in the way that she did whenever she was angry. 

"I know.. But can we sit..?" Alex sighed. 

Eliza nodded and sat down on the park bench, moving over to allow Alex to get more room. They sat there in silence, until Alex was ready. He took a deep breath and began to tell her about how Thomas had forced him to quit his job.. About how he couldn't breathe when his parents had found out the truth- and about the way George's voice had broke when he told him he wouldn't be coming back in for work- and he didn't think he would ever get the sound out of his head. 

He was in tears by the time he finished.. And he was thankful that Eliza had simply listened, her hand intertwining with his as they sat there in silence. 

"Is that where you got the bruises.. On your face?" Eliza whispered, as if she were afraid to ask- or speak too loud and scare Alex off for another month or so. 

"No.." Alex let go of Eliza's hand, and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt. He closed his eyes tightly when he heard Eliza gasp at the black bruises running up and down his tan arms, they were darkest on his wrists but he didn't feel comfortable telling her why. "He just.. Added to this collection." 

Eliza turned her head away, and Alex was sure she was trying to keep her tears back. "So.. The ones that are on your face? How did that happen?" 

Alex didn't want to tell her, knowing that she wouldn't be able to keep his tears from falling, and knowing that Eliza would break down. "It was after-after I met you and Peggy at the coffee shop. I was late coming home, and he accused me of being a.. whore. I yelled because I thought he'd ruined our friendship- and he punched me in the face." 

He knew was right when Eliza let out a loud sob, burying her face in her hands. "O-Oh.. God. I'd yelled at you that day..I-I.." She looked up at Alex, her eyes filled with tears. "I just didn't know what to do Alex- I didn't know that it was that bad." 

"It's okay." Alex whispered. "Most people don't." 

He held onto Eliza as she cried, burying his face in her hair. It'd been so long since he'd been this close to her, and he felt warm and vulnerable. 

"But I'm scared, Liza.." Alex said suddenly. "I don't want to stay away from my job but I'm.. I'm scared. I know I should be brave." 

Eliza sat up suddenly, looking at Alex. She cupped his cheek. "It's not about being brave. It's about staying alive. You do what you must and stay alive.. And we'll get you out of there. I promise that there is nothing you can do to make your parents hate you." 

Alex bit his lip and nodded. He suddenly felt compelled to tell Eliza about John, about how he'd been texting him.. Telling him about what Thomas was doing. "I've been.. Texting someone. A guy. His name is John and I talk to him whenever I need someone. Thomas wouldn't let me text you.. And now he won't let me text my parents." 

Eliza furrowed her eyebrows together. "Alex, you have to be careful. If he found out you were texting someone else.. He'd.." 

She didn't have to finish her sentence. 

He'd kill Alex. 

X 

Alex didn't know how long he stayed there talking to Eliza, but before he knew it the sky was growing dark and storm clouds were rolling in. Alex found himself surprised that Thomas hadn't called him home yet and he felt a knot deep in his stomach as he prayed that Thomas was in a good mood. 

He said goodbye to Eliza quickly, when he realized the time. His friend stood up before he could leave. "I could give you a ride home, Alex." 

"I only live a couple blocks away Liza', I'll text you when I get home." Alex smiled, trying to get rid of his friend's worry. He could see the anxiety on her face as she kissed his cheek and watched him go. 

He didn't want Thomas to be waiting outside for him. He didn't want Eliza to see anything bad, and most importantly.. He didn't want Eliza to be hurt because of him. 

He never wanted anyone to be hurt because of him, but it seemed like lately he just kept hurting the people he loved because he couldn't leave Thomas. He was afraid of being sent back to Nevis and afraid that Thomas would lash out and hurt someone he loved. 

He ran back home, and he was practically out of breath when he entered their apartment, taking off his shoes and jacket and looking around. He was surprised to see that Thomas wasn't in his usual place- at his desk or on the couch. 

"Thomas.." Alex called, albeit somewhat quietly. 

He got his response in the form of a loud moan. Alex made it to the front of the hallway before he stopped dead in his tracks. He didn't want to interrupt Thomas, but he knew that the noise did not come from him. He was not familiar with that voice. 

His heart clenched as he opened the door to their bedroom, and he already knew what he was going to see before he even entered the room.. And he was not surprised. 

Thomas was leaning over a boy (He was a boy, Alex realized. He had to be much younger than Thomas.. Fresh into college perhaps- an intern). Doing to him what he usually did to Alex, but holding him gently.. So much more gentle than he'd EVER hold Alex. 

Alex was frozen to the doorway, and he didn't realize that his eyes were full of tears or that his mouth was open, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't quite find the words. His mouth felt dry, and his heart was pumping so hard against his chest he thought that maybe the lack of food and sleep was catching up with him and he was having a heart attack. 

The worst part was that it took them about a minute to actually realize that Alex was standing there. The boy screamed, pulling the blanket over him and Thomas had pulled away from him quickly. 

Alex felt sick, when he met Thomas' eyes. They were emotionless, a small smirk starting to play on his face- as if he hadn't held onto Alex's cheek and told him that he was beautiful just earlier that day. 

Alex turned quickly, barely hearing Thomas call after him. He needed to get away.. Far away from Thomas. He could barely see anything through his clouded vision as he reached for the doorknob so he could leave. Before he could even open the door, Thomas had a hold of his wrist, yanking him back before could even take a step forward. 

Thomas slammed the door shut, nearly slamming it on Alex's fingers. "You need to stay here and fucking listen to me, Alexander." 

"I don't want to listen to you." Alex spat, pushing Thomas slightly- he knew that he was playing with fire but his heart hurt and he was being kept from leaving by the very person who shattered it. "Am I not good enough Thomas?" 

"What the hell did you expect me to do?" Thomas snapped. "You're always so mopey, walking around here like a kicked puppy dog. You've been boring, baby. I needed someone young." 

Alex didn't bother to tell Thomas that he was only twenty-seven years old, and the reason why he was 'boring' and 'old' was because Thomas had worn him down so much that he didn't even want to wake up some days. 

"I get it." Alex said, his face blank. "You want someone you can fuck, and then you want me around when you need to punch someone in the face. Is that it?" 

Alex was expecting it, so he only let out a small flinch when Thomas grabbed a hold of his face and slammed it against the rough brick of the wall, most likely adding another cut to his face- and another bruise. 

"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to." Thomas snapped.   
Alex pushed Thomas away, nearly sending the taller man sprawling to the ground. He grabbed a hold of the door and opened it, giving Thomas one more look. 

"If you leave.. When you come back, I will make your life a living hell." Thomas growled. 

Alex didn't say anything as he walked out the door. 

Thomas wouldn't dare to hurt him in public. 

X 

"Let me get this straight.." Peggy said to Eliza on the other end of the phone. "It's a Saturday night and you're watering your plants." 

Eliza sighed as she put the spray bottle down and examined the small house plants on the windowsill. She was used to her sisters' critical words. Every now and again Peggy or Angelica would call and remind her that she was twenty-seven years old, and she was still scared to talk to a girl and would much rather prefer to water her plants and watch Netflix. 

"Not true.." Eliza smiled. "I also baked a nice batch of homemade cookies, and I was going to bring you a couple.. Because I know that the last time you baked anything you almost set Angelica's house on fire." 

She heard Peggy gasp on the other end, but her sister didn't try to deny the claims because they were most definitely true. "Can you- Can you still bring me one cookie tomorrow." 

"Would it be okay.. With your ulcerative colitis?" Eliza said uncertainly. 

"Eliza, I got jacked up intestines.. But I can still eat stuff you know." Peggy snorted and Eliza winced as she once again worried too much about her younger sister. 

Before Eliza could say anything there was a loud knock on the door, Eliza looked down at her phone. It was almost past eleven, and she couldn't imagine who could be knocking on her door at this time. "I-uh- gotta go, Peggy. Someone is knocking on my door." 

"Ooo, maybe it's that beautiful girl with the red lipstick that you've been pining over-" 

Eliza hung up the phone before Peggy could continue. She looked out the window before opening the door, shocked to see Alex anxiously standing outside her house. She quickly unlocked the door and opened it, pulling Alex inside before he could freeze to death. 

"Alex what are you.." Eliza whispered, but it was then she saw his face. He had a few small cuts on the left side of his face and Eliza could already see a bruise forming at his temple. She brushed back his hair, apologizing quietly when he winced. "What happened, Alex?" 

"He was.. He was having sex with someone else, Eliza." Alex whimpered. "A boy. He couldn't have been much older than Peggy." 

Eliza nodded and guided Alex to the couch. She hurried to her bathroom gathering up the first aid supplies and making her way back to Alex. She placed the stuff on the coffee table and began to clean up Alex's face, apologizing every time he winced or cried. Although, she suspected the tears were not because he was in pain. 

"How did you get away?" She whispered. 

"I pushed him away.. And he told me that when I came back, it would be hell." Alex frowned. "The problem is that- I can't seem to stay away from him, so.." 

Eliza didn't know what to say. She couldn't force Alex to stay at her house, and she didn't want him to leave. She knew that Alex wouldn't let her call the police.. She was at a loss. 

"Can I at least take pictures.. Of the bruises." She said slowly, an idea popping in her head. "I have a Polaroid that Angie bought me when I was going through that hipster phase a few years ago.. And if you could just let me take some photos." 

"Liza.." Alex said, backing away. 

Eliza put her hands up like she was approaching a scared animal. "I promise, I won't give them to the police- and you don't even have to look at them. Just let me do this.. So if one day you decide to leave for good, he'll be locked up for what he did to you." 

Alex looked at her or a few seconds before he sighed. "Fine." He relented. 

Eliza hurried to her room and grabbed the Polaroid that was placed in her dresser. It had collected some dust over the years but she was certain it still worked great. 

Alex closed her eyes while she took the pictures of his face and the bruises on his arms. She did it quickly, having to hide her rage every time he showed her a bruise and shakily told her where it came from. Eliza wasn't a very tough girl, and she definitely hadn't got in as many fights as Angelica, or even her younger sister Peggy had.. But she wanted to make it where Thomas could never hurt her best friend again. 

"Okay." Eliza said when they finished, she'd set the photos face down so Alex couldn't see and she figured that she could put the dates on them later. "I'll go get you some pillows and blankets and you can sleep here tonight." 

Alex nodded as his phone buzzed, he didn't even bother looking at it as he glanced up at Eliza wearily. "I don't want to read anything he has to say right now, can you take it with you?" 

Eliza nodded, reaching down and grabbing his phone. She waited until she got to the bedroom before she looked down at it. She was surprised to see that it wasn't Thomas, but instead the guy that Alex had mentioned earlier that day. 

Eliza bit her lip and looked back to make sure that Alex could not see her before responding. 

**John: Hey. I haven't heard from you all day and I'm getting really worried about you? Are you okay? Please text me back.**

**Alex: Hey this is best friend, Eliza.. He's doing fine and he's currently at my house. Thomas did a number on his face but I'm pretty sure that he will most likely not be here in the morning. I'm going to send you my number, because you seem like a nice guy and I hope you really do care about Alex because I want to get him out.**

Eliza smiled when John texted her back right away. 

**John: Let's get him out.**

Eliza sent John her number quickly, before deleting the text messages so Alex couldn't see. She felt like she was betraying Alex but she knew that she had to get Alex out of there before it escalated to anything worse. 

She handed Alex the blankets and set the phone back down on the coffee table. She pressed a kiss to Alex's head as he wrapped the blankets around himself and laid back on the sofa. Eliza went to walk away, her hand resting on the light switch. 

"Alex.. I know that you probably won't be here tomorrow, and I'm not going to judge you for that because I have no idea what you're going through." She said quietly. "But if you ever need anything please call me.. I don't want anything to happen to you." 

If she listened hard enough she could hear that he had whispered back, "I love you." 

X 

Alex's phone woke him up, and when he groggily reached for it, he could see that it was three in the morning-Thomas' name glared back at him and he sat up quickly, suddenly awake. 

**Thomas: I'm giving you one hour to meet me at the gas station a few blocks from our house. If you come, your punishment won't be that bad. I know that you're at Eliza's... baby, and I will pick you up and if she tries to interfere I'll hurt her too.**

**Thomas: Don't forget I can send you back to that hell hole if you don't listen to me, you ungrateful little immigrant.**

Alex closed his eyes and pressed the phone to his forehead, letting out a shaky breath. He couldn't let Thomas hurt Eliza, and he had no doubt in his min that Thomas wouldn't hesitate to hurt his best friend if she got in the way. 

In the end, Eliza was right.. 

He wouldn't be there in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad backstory: when I was younger my sister was in an abusive realtionship- she finally divorced him this year but they have three kids together. ANYWAY, whenever he hurt her or something, she would come and stay at home. I would always plan what we would do in the morning (my sister is THIRTEEN years older than me) and what we would eat, but she would never be there in the morning. What Eliza says to Alex before going to bed is similar to something I whispered to my sister, and she whispered back 'I love you'. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! and plz leave me a comment because I love them. 
> 
> ALSO.. Back by popular demand (like one person.. or two) ALTERNATE summaries
> 
> -Eliza cries a lot and like same  
> -Eliza cries when she's angry and like same  
> -Eliza wants to throw Thomas in the sun.. and like same  
> -Alex is an angel and he doesn't deserve this shit 2k17  
> -Thomas is a douchenozzle but I knew this.. you knew this.   
> -ELIZA AND JOHN TEAMING THE HELL UP TO DESTROY THOMAS 2KFOREVER


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex hits an all time low, and so does his relationship with Thomas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me awhile but I've had a really bad week.. I've been sick, I dropped my laptop and broke it, and I hit a deer on my way home and my car is now totaled :)))) SUCH A GREAT WEEK!
> 
> WARNINGS: it's a dark chapter. Violence, suicide idealization, and accidental self-harm.

Alex didn't quite know what was worse.. The beating he received from Thomas the next day or the feeling that came after it. Thomas seemed detached from it somehow, as if dragging Alex across the living room from his hair was something as common as eating breakfast. 

It made Alex uneasy, even more scared than he had originally thought possible. Thomas didn't try to keep the bruises hidden- he didn't seem to care when he gave Alex a black eye or when he bloodied his nose for the second time. 

And Alex knew why.. 

No one was going to see him anymore, not if Thomas had anything to do with it. He seemed to understand that Alex now realized that this behavior wasn't normal. Thomas had nothing to lose by beating him black and blue and Alex had nothing to gain. 

This, in part, made Alex almost as detached as Thomas. He turned his head while it happened and closed his eyes tight. For a second, he could convince himself he was sitting across from Eliza with a coffee in his hand. He could even convince himself that he was with his mother. 

So this is what it's like to give up. 

Once upon a time, he could remember the social worker describing Alex to the Washingtons. She'd described him as determined, strong-minded, and brave. He'd survived so much in his short life. His mother dying, he himself almost dying, a hurricane, and his uncle's suicide. 

Oh, how wrong she had been. He'd asked for this, truly. He wanted the chance to be vulnerable. He wanted to be able to let his guard down and Thomas had provided him with just that. Alex had ran head first into it, blinded by opportunity to finally be able to be cared for like he wanted, and this is what he got for letting his guard down. 

Thomas stopped eventually and left Alex on the ground; his tears were decreased to a minimum now. He didn't know how much of the liquid on his face was tears, and how much was blood but he couldn't find it in himself to care much. 

He slowly lifted himself up, looking down the hall to make sure that Thomas had left the room. He kept his phone hidden now, knowing that he needed to hide it because if Thomas got a hold of it- there was no way he was going to get it back. 

He couldn't risk texting Eliza or John, not right now. But he felt alone. Being with Eliza, being able to explain everything to her had made him feel so free. He wanted to stay with her, but he couldn't even go through with that. Not when Thomas had told him exactly what he would do to Eliza if he even dared to run to her again. 

He was scared, and he was alone. He'd lost everyone now. Even John, the guy he only knew through text messages, would be targeted if he were to continue to have conversations with him.   
He had never wanted to die so badly in his life. Maybe he would be better off. Darkness would be a nice welcomed changed, and everyone would be out of danger. It wasn't the first time he'd had these thoughts, but most of the time he was able to pull himself out of it. 

But this time it led him to the bathroom- where he stood, just staring in the mirror. He physically cringed from simply looking at himself. His left eye was nearly swollen shut, his lip was split again, and his cheek was painted various colors. 

He almost couldn't believe he had once been thankful about the fact that although Thomas was aggressive, he had never hit him. Ever since Thomas had locked him in the closet, it seemed to get worse from there. Alex was terrified of what he would do next, when had he became so cruel? 

With shaky hands, Alex reached in the medicine cabinet, pulling out one of the razors. He pulled up his sweatshirt sleeve and looked down at his wrists. There were already scars down his arm, from such a long time ago. He had been a teenager, and the pressure of being the 'gifted immigrant' had got the best of him. 

Thomas, long ago, had looked down at the scars and had been genuinely caring and curious. Alex had told him when only he was ready, trying to laugh it off as childishness but when he looked up at Thomas- he'd seemed sad for Alex, and before he knew it.. Alex was crying. 

Alex pressed the razor on the thin skin of his wrist. It would be so easy, just to cut downwards, and hit an artery. But he found himself scared again. George and Martha would find out he killed himself and that would hurt them- kill them maybe. They would spend the rest of their lives wondering where they went wrong and why they couldn't help him. 

Eliza, she would never be the same. 

John would text him over and over, wondering why he wasn't texting back. He would spend a long time wondering what happened to Alex and no way of knowing. 

As much as Alex wanted to kill himself before Thomas could do it himself, he knew that it would only hurt the ones he loved- and he had hurt them enough. 

The door slammed from down the hall, and Alex jumped. In the process of being startled, he'd slid the razor across his wrist just slightly. He hissed as he pressed his other hand against it, and watched the blood run down his wrist. It wasn't that much but Alex panicked and pushed the razor away from him, making sure it fell down in the trash bin and putting tissues over it. 

"Shit." He whispered as he pressed a tissue against his bleeding arm. 

"What the fuck are you doing in there, Alex!" Thomas yelled, knocking on the door loudly. Alex took in a shaky breath and held onto his arm. 

"I'm coming." Alex said steadily, opening the door with his other arm and keeping the wounded one close to his body so Thomas wouldn't see. 

Thomas stopped and stared at him before he would let Alex out into the hallway. His face seemed blank as he regarded Alex's face. But soon enough, a small grin appeared on his lips, leaving Alex confused and somewhat alarmed. "You look like shit." Thomas smirked. 

Alex didn't know how to respond to that. He moved aside to let Thomas through, and before he could walk into the living room.. Thomas grabbed a hold of his arm. "I have a late night meeting with some of my colleagues from work." 

Alex nodded, but he knew that it most likely was not the truth. Alex didn't trust Thomas anymore, not since he'd caught him in bed with a young man. He knew that he was most likely leaving to have sex with someone else.

He sat down on the sofa, and pulled up his sleeve just a bit. There was still a small trickle of blood running down his wrist and he cursed himself for being so stupid. 

He rested his head against the top of the sofa, and closed his eyes. He felt like maybe he fell asleep because moments later he heard Thomas clear his throat. He sat up quickly and saw that Thomas was standing in front of him, clad in only his jeans- but he had something wrapped in his hand. 

"Pull up your sleeve." He snapped. 

Alex's eyes widened, and his breath got caught in his throat. He had hid it- he'd put tissues over it.. But he had most likely left drops of blood on the sink, maybe on the floor. 

"Thomas-" Alex whispered, but before he could finish the sentence Thomas had heaved him up by his arm. Alex prayed that he didn't hit him. He couldn't take anymore. His face was already a mess, and he let out a sharp breath as Thomas jerked his sweatshirt sleeve up. 

Alex didn't want to look down, but he couldn't look at Thomas either. He could already feel him glaring. It wasn't a look of sadness like it had been last time. 

"You want to die?" Thomas yelled, tossing Alex's arm away. "You want to leave me, huh? Just like everyone else has left me." 

"I-I didn't mean too, I was just sad.. It was an accident." Alex said, trying to keep his voice steady but failing miserably. 

"It's never a fucking accident." Thomas hissed, and pushed Alex so hard that he fell to the ground, hitting his hip on the corner of the coffee table. "You want to die? You want to leave me.. Fine. You can die." 

He walked away, making his way to kitchen and Alex stared at him.. Dumbfounded. He expected him just to go put on the rest of his clothes and leave, to disappointed to even deal with Alex any longer. But much to his dismay, Thomas returned.. With knife in his hand. 

Alex's breath grew erratic as he moved from the coffee table and backed away. Before he could stand on his own two feet, Thomas had pulled him back down. Thomas sat on his knees, pressing the knife against Alex's throat. 

"I'd could kill you, baby." Thomas whispered, and Alex nodded his head. He had no doubt in his mind that Thomas could kill him. "I love you so much, why can't you just stay? You've always been mine, darlin'." 

"I-I'll stay Thomas.. I'll stay." Alex whispered, nodding his head. "I love you. I would never leave you." 

"I give you everything." Thomas said dropping the knife and wrapping his hands around Alex's throat, applying pressure but not quite squeezing. "I could snap your neck.. I could choke you, pretty bird." 

Alex sobbed and closed his eyes tight, trying to imagine his mom's face as if that could calm him down. "Please Thomas.." 

Thomas let go, and stood.. Leaving Alex sobbing on the ground. 

"I'll be back in a few hours babe, stay put." Thomas smiled. 

Alex closed his eyes, not wanting to open them as Thomas finished getting dressed and eventually left the house. 

He couldn't stop shaking. 

He had a sense of déjà vu, as this was the same position he'd been hours before. He didn't want to move a muscle. Part of him felt as if Thomas would be able sense if he left. 

He could hear his phone vibrating a few feet away. He crawled on his hands and knees to the place he'd hid it, figuring that it was Thomas. When he unlocked it, he was surprised to see that it was Eliza. His eyes scanned her text messages, and his heart nearly stopped. 

**Liza: Alex, Peggy was rushed to the hospital**  
 **Liza: It's bad.**

Peggy.. The girl he'd always considered his little sister. He knew that even if he begged Thomas, he wouldn't able to see her. But Thomas' words flashed through his brain, and he knew that it was true. Thomas wouldn't hesitate to kill him. 

But Peggy could die. 

Alex made a decision. 

He hurried to his feet and slipped on his jacket and his shoes. If he was quick enough.. Maybe he could make it back home before Thomas. 

He left the apartment, his phone on the floor.. Forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this is my best, but please leave me a comment.. I'm having a bad week and I need it


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex meet, but not in good circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.. THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.. THE PRIDE OF MY.... .... FIC? LAMS MEETING. 
> 
> I'm not Lin-Manuel, please do not judge my ability to write catchy tunes. On a completely unrelated note, every time I write Hamilton quotes I always laugh to myself, because damn I feel clever. I wrote hunger-pang frame in this chapter which is one of my faves, and the word satisfied even made me giggle. I'm still Ham trash. Possibly forever. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm having a MUCH better week. My computer is fixed, AND my car isn't dead. Albeit, it costs 4,000 dollars to replace but I'm a responsible bean who actually tries to keep money in my savings account. Seriously though, it could have been much worse. I'd just gotten on an off-ramp and it could have been an interstate. I could have been hurt. 
> 
> ALSO I finally got my #bitofaday shirt from teerico. Which is one my favorite Lin-isms(?) so I'm a happy camper. 
> 
> Alternate titles for this chapter (I'm changing it up ;p):  
>  "YOU THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO KILL THOMAS LAST CHAPTER.. HA.. READ THIS ONE."   
> "ANGELICA SCHUYLER IS ALL OF US"  
> "PEGGY THE PURE PRINCESS"  
> "ALEXANDER 'STOP LOOKING AT MY FACE' HAMILTON"   
> "JOHN IS SHOOK"   
> "The shook-ening"

The trip to the hospital was a blur. Alex was pretty sure that the taxi driver believed that the hospital trip was for him, by the way he kept looking back at him every few minutes. 

When they finally reached the hospital, Alex hurried in the emergency room, making the receptionist jump when she saw Alex in front of her. He figured it was due to his beaten face and he mentally smacked himself for not doing anything to try to cover the bruises. 

He was just about to explain to her that he wasn't there for himself, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He was ashamed by just how quickly he jumped. When he turned, he saw Eliza's tearful face staring back at him. Her eyes widened when she saw the bruises. 

"Alex.." Eliza whispered. "What did he do to you?" 

Alex winced as Eliza lifted her hand to his cheek, and he gently backed away, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's not a big deal..." He said slowly. "How is Peggy? Is she okay.." 

"Come sit down." Eliza said, grabbing his elbow. She felt him tense, and realized just how foreboding her words had sounded. She quickly shook her head. "She's okay. She was conscious when we got her here and the doctor hasn't informed us of anything different." 

Alex let out a breath of relief as Eliza guided him towards the small waiting area. He couldn't help but smile gently when he saw Angelica curled in the corner, with a celebrity magazine in her hands as she thumbed the pages. 

She looked up when she saw Eliza and Alex approach, and she regarded them with a small smile. Her smile dropped from her face, however, when she saw Alex. He could see her emotions as they appeared; first there was confusion, then sadness, realization... and finally anger. 

"I'm going to kick his ass." She snapped, throwing the magazine down and standing up as if she was going to sniff out Thomas and then do exactly as she promised. 

Alex looked at Eliza, hurt evident on his face. "You told her?" 

Eliza's eyes widened and she shook her head. "I actually didn't tell her anything. Angie has some sort of sixth sense, you know this." 

Angelica gasped and crossed her arms over her chest. "I wasn't for sure, but now I'm certain. Someone is hurting you? Who is it? I'll kill them. I'll kill them and bury them in the desert." 

"No you won't." Alex said simply and then he looked between both of the girls. "And we're not here for me. We're here for Peggy." 

Neither woman said anything as they sat back down, allowing Alex to sit between the both of them. Alex could still feel Angelica's worried gaze focusing on his face. He tried to ignore it as he looked up at whatever cheesy sitcom was playing in that background. 

"If I'm not allowed to worry about your face, will you please sit up?" Angelica mumbled. "Your posture worries the hell out of me." 

Alex chuckled before sitting up. He didn't want to explain to either of them that his entire body was still aching from the beating he'd got from Thomas. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't help but wince when sat completely up. 

"I just want you to know that I actually want to murder him.." Angelica said, without taking her eyes off of the television. "..Or her. You're bisexual and I didn't mean to assume." 

"Him." Alex whispered. "It's a him." 

Before Angelica could reply, the doctor approached them. She looked fairly optimistic as she smiled at them, and Alex felt his heart rate finally slow down and he could tell that the others were the same way. 

"Hi, you're the family of Margaret Schuyler?" She asked. 

"Yes, is she okay?" Eliza asked hesitantly. 

The doctor nodded and smiled. "She's going to be just fine. She had a perforated colon, which is a complication of ulcerative colitis, although not a common one. Luckily, we didn't have to remove any infected bowel, but if this continues she may need to undergo a colostomy in the future." 

Angelica sighed. "That's the one thing she didn't want." 

"But if it helps her I'm sure she'd be willing to do anything." Eliza continued. 

"Can we go see her?" Alex asked, and he lowered his gaze when he saw the doctor's concern at the state of his face. 

The doctor hesitated, looking at the three of them. She then looked down at her watch and sighed. "You can see her for a bit, but then visiting times are over. She's in recovery so when she wakes up, she's going to be out of it." 

They nodded, not minding that she'd be groggy and most likely not make any sense. Peggy was the life of any party, and they were happy to have her alive. 

X 

Peggy's head hurt when she woke up. She didn't remember much, only that her abdomen had hurt so badly that she couldn't stand. She'd felt sick, and nauseous.. And she's pretty sure that she almost threw up on Eliza. 

When they wheeled her into the emergency room they had been saying something about surgery- and by the numbness in her abdomen she could tell that she'd definitely had a procedure. 

"Head hurts." She mumbled, and her mouth felt dry like cotton. It felt like taking a really long nap, expecting to be asleep for an hour, and waking up eight hours later with no recollection of what year it was. 

"Do you want me to get your nurse?" A voice asked softly and Peggy nearly jumped. Her eyes focused on the figure by her bed, and she couldn't tell who it was.. But she felt safe and she couldn't help but smile at the person next to her. 

"Are you an angel?" Peggy whispered. Damn, she really hoped she didn't die.. She was still trying to hook Eliza up with the beautiful neighbor that she was too afraid to talk to. 

"No, Peggy. It's me Alex." Alex chuckled, and once Peggy's eyes decided to focus she could see that it was indeed Alex who was sitting next to her. "Eliza and Angelica went to get some coffee but they'll be back, do you want me to go get them?" 

Peggy smiled and shook her head. "I like being here with you." 

She felt content right now as she reached over and grabbed a hold of Alex's hand. Alex was always small, which was something she found cute and charming. Her smile fell from her face as she saw the bruises on his skin. 

"Alex.. Do you remember that time when the group of kids were bullying me in school. Do you remember what you did?" Peggy asked. 

She remembered it vividly. He had marched up to them, with all of his small scrappy glory. The boys had laughed when they saw him. His school uniform had been too big for his hunger-pang frame but he'd demanded they stop picking on Peggy and when they'd laughed in his face, he had pushed the main kid in the mud. 

They'd got a hold of Alex and given him a black eye before Angelica had showed up and they remembered her notorious reputation of not being afraid of anyone. 

He'd taken up for her.. Before that he'd just been Eliza and Angelica's friend- the boy that the Washingtons had so graciously adopted. 

But then he became Peggy's friend too. 

"Yeah." Alex smiled. "Lee was so shocked when I pushed him in the mud.. And his dad made George pay for his dry cleaning." 

"Why'd you do that, Alex?" Peggy asked softly. "You just marched up there without a second thought and took up for me." 

Alex looked confused for a second before answering her. "Because you're my friend, Peggy." 

Peggy could feel her eyes tear up as she looked at him. She could easily blame her sudden emotional state to being incredibly drugged, but she knew in her heart that this is what she felt. She didn't want to continue.. She knew Alex well, and she knew that whenever somehow showed concern for him he would immediately clam up. 

"Why can't you do the same for yourself?" She saw Alex tense and quickly reached out and grabbed a hold of her hand. "I know what's happening. Your face is bruised, you never talk to anyone anymore. And no matter how much you and Eliza try to hide it, I saw the bruises on your arms that day at the coffee shop. You need to get out of there." 

"I.. Can't." Alex said slowly. 

"Please try, Alex. Please." Peggy whispered. "For me?" 

Alex hesitated but nodded. "I'll try." 

Peggy smiled, temporarily satisfied. She looked around the room, wondering where her sisters were. She wanted to see them before one of them had to leave (she was determined to get one of them to stay the night in one of those uncomfortable hospital pull-out beds). 

"Do you want me to call Angelica or Eliza?" Alex asked, as if reading her mind. 

She nodded, growing sleepy. "Yes please." 

Alex reached for his phone, and she could see the way his hands froze when his hands reached his pocket. Peggy could see him physically flinch as his is breathing increased. Before she could ask what was wrong, he was already standing up. 

"I-I'll go get them okay.. But I have to go. I'm sorry." He asked. 

Peggy knew. She knew that if it were up to him, he would stay as long as he could. But right now his life was in danger and if she begged him to stay she could very well be contributing to his death. 

Before he could leave, Peggy spoke up. "I love you, Alex." 

"I love you too." 

X 

Alex wouldn't consider himself a religious person, but by how many times a week he found himself praying one would think that he was. Whatever God there was didn't seem to be on his side for the most part. He'd prayed for his mother to stay alive, for his cousin to come back to life so he could be with his family, for his father to answer his letters.. But none of those things happened. 

And this time was no different. 

As odd as it sounds, Alex could almost feel the anger in the air when he entered. He felt like he was going to vomit as he saw Thomas sitting at the dining room.. With his phone is his hand. It shouldn't have came as shock because he knew with all of his heart that this would be the outcome. 

But, damn it, if he didn't hope. 

He felt a cold chill in his body and he thought that perhaps he would faint. If he fainted then maybe Thomas would be concerned, and see the error of his ways. He always thought like this.. Always tried to hope that maybe this was just a weird mood that Thomas was in. 

He would never be right about that. 

"I'm sorry." Alex said loudly, breaking the silence in the room. "For what you saw on my phone.. And for leaving. I'm sorry." 

And he meant it too. He always blamed himself when he made Thomas angry; Thomas' friends always describe him as a nice person, and he must've changed when Alex came along because he was just too much to handle. 

"John." Thomas said slowly. "You really like taking to him.. You've spilled all of your secrets to him. All of our secrets. How I punish you." 

Alex looked behind him, wondering if he could make a run for it but Thomas sensed this. He chuckled and shook his head. "You can't leave me, Alex." 

Thomas picked something up and Alex couldn't help but whimper when he saw that it was a metal baseball bat. He'd almost forgot that Thomas had it. Back when things were good, Thomas would go to batting cages to get his stress out, back before he hit Alex instead. 

"I thought about searching town, finding out who this nurse John is and maybe beat him with this old thing, but then I remembered.. How many rules you broke." Thomas smiled. 

"Peggy was sick.. I couldn't- she's my friend." Alex said, hoping to appeal to Thomas' empathy but he could see no concern is his dark eyes. 

"You don't have any friends, Alex. I'm your friend." He said, strangely calm. "You think the Schuylers like your whiny ass? John? They're annoyed with you.. But you don't want me anymore. So I figure that if I can't have you.." 

"Thomas, please." Alex said slowly, almost falling to his knees. 

"..Nobody will." 

The first hit came hard, right in the ribs and Alex fell to the ground sobbing. He knew that there would be more hits to come, but all he could hear was the phrase that Thomas kept repeating. 

"You have nobody." 

Alex closed his eyes. He tries reassured himself that death wouldn't be too bad.. It would be nice to see his mom again. 

X 

"He's not that cute." Eliza scrunched her nose as Peggy went through her tinder account, swiping left and right for the people that she would possibly want to date. "Eww.. Too many tattoos. Dad would hate that." 

Peggy stuck her tongue out. "Why are you giving me your opinion on guys? You're a lesbian. I should've had Angelica stay instead." 

"Pick out a cute girl." Eliza said suddenly. "I can give you my judgment on that." 

Peggy shrugged and exited out of tinder, opting to go to Facebook instead. Although she wouldn't admit it, she always felt kind of like her love life was just doomed- but to be fair it didn't make her feel any better to see her old classmates get married and have kids. 

Eliza was looking over her sister's shoulder when her phone rang. She looked down at it, wondering who would call her this late. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw that the phone call was from Alex. She looked over at Peggy who saw the contact name and put her phone down quickly. 

She picked up the phone without a second thought. "Hello? Alex?" 

There was no answer and Eliza thought that maybe he'd just called her on an accident. She was going to just settle on that explanation until she heard his labored breathing. "Alex.. What's wrong? Are you there?" She said almost frantically. 

"Need your help, Liza'" Alex practically whispered, and Eliza didn't know if was because Alex was trying not to alert Thomas or that he was severely hurt. "Thomas.. Knows about John.. He was so mad." 

"Alexander.. What did he do to you?" Eliza asked, trying to steady her voice but failing miserably when she heard his pained whimpers on the other end. "You have to tell me.. Is he still there?" 

"..Left." Alex said. "Baseball bat. I can't breathe." 

Eliza settled a shaking hand over mouth and she could see Peggy closing her eyes. "Alex I'm going to call 911, okay? I need you to hang on. I'll be there." 

There was no answer. 

X 

It was a quiet night in the ER although John would never say that out loud or he would definitely need medical attention. Instead he couldn't help but balance his pencil between his nose and upper lip, going cross eyed as he tried to see if he could keep it there. 

"You're making it VERY hard not to smack you." The nurse next to him said slowly. "Our charge nurse temporarily put me in charge of the emergency room and you're not being very professional." 

John sat up and set the pencil down, looking around the nearly empty emergency room. "Oh, sorry. Let me just go check on my tragically critical patient from down the hall that came in because his drunk friend accidentally dropped a bowling ball on his foot." 

Almost as soon as he said that, the emergency doors opened and four paramedics came rushing in with someone on a gurney. John hurried to his feet as they explained the patient to him. 

"Male. 27 years old. Blunt force trauma to multiple parts of his body. Oxygen sats are low, along with blood pressure. Possible internal bleeding.." The paramedic listed and John briefly wondered how in the world this happened. 

"John!" The de-facto charge nurse called. "You have this?" 

John nodded, and he felt the patient reach out and grab his elbow at the mention of his name. He looked down and saw large, brown eyes looking back up at him. Through the blood he could see that he had shoulder-length brown hair and tan skin. 

John felt something weird in the pit of his stomach and before he could continue on, he heard the call of his name again and he turned when a few other nurses stepped in to help with the new trauma patient. 

"John.." A woman asked. She had dark hair as well, and if it weren't for her paler complexion he would assume that she was perhaps his sister. 

"Yeah, I'm going to be his nurse. Don't worry he's going to be-" 

"You've been texting him." She said suddenly, and John's eyes widen. "He's Alexander. The boy you've been texting that's him." 

John Laurens had to be one of those most collected nurses.. But when he looked back and saw his fellow nurses working on the person who had slowly became his friend- 

he felt sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have clinical on a floor unit and not the emergency room.. so sorry if my info is off. I basically just used my nursing knowledge and tied in with grey's anatomy because despite my love-hate relationship with grey's anatomy, I for some reason still watch grey's anatomy. 
> 
> ALSO. This is like my mid-story finale(?) so I'm taking a two week break in order to plan the next chapters out. 
> 
> I'm also thinking of writing a mini-series of about five chapters. It will be more sad than my two fics (yes, it's possible) and be alex angst because I love to hurt him. 
> 
> Please leave me a comment. I love you guys!


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex remembers the first time; Eliza talks to John about what she could have done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I'm going to update this at the end of the week!   
> Me: *Updates the day after I say that* 
> 
> I had a sudden desire to write this chapter one more time, after taking a long break and playing Friday the 13th (it's online and I love it), eating some sushi.. I just felt the need to write this. 
> 
> Alternate chapter titles: 
> 
> GUILT: The Musical   
> Don't be fooled by Thomas' smoothness.. he's an abusive shit   
> John thinks Alex is the most beautiful bean that's ever lived  
> Jennifer writes so many hospital scenes it's a meme by now

Three years ago 

X 

No matter how bad it became, Alex couldn't forget that there was once a time where Thomas was sweet, mysterious, and gentle. There was a time where Alex had been so excited at the prospect of being loved by someone like him. 

Someone who seemed to match his wit in a way that only Angelica had been able to do. Someone who kept him on his toes, and made him- the loudest person in all of New York- speechless. When they met Alex had tried to play coy, but it was too late. 

He already too far gone. 

It was a December morning, and not a particularly good one for Alex. His alarm had gone off much later than he anticipated, so he didn't have time to do some early morning writing before going to work. Not to mention, he had been in such a hurry that he completely forgot to grab his coat on the way out. 

If he had to pick a plus on this horrible day, is that he worked just down the street from his modest red-brick apartment. The cold was biting, yes... But he didn't have to walk all that far until he was in the comforting warmth of his father's firm. 

It had been a last-minute decision to hurry into the coffee shop just down the street... He used to frequent that particular coffee shop every morning, before he had enough money to buy his OWN coffee brewer. It was a lovely place, and family owned; Alex knew that it wouldn’t be crowded on this particular morning, and he was right. 

At first glance, he thought that he was the only one in the building and he shivered as he approached the girl in the front, tucking his hands in his pockets. She smiled at him and chuckled lightly at his seemingly careless regard of his own health. "The usual, Alex?" 

Alex blinked a couple times, truly shocked that she would remember his coffee order after all of these years, but he nodded nonetheless. He paused as he took in how heavy his eyes felt and then added... "Double espresso this time, actually. It's going to be a long day." 

He made his way to the other side of the counter, and watched the snow fall outside. He was a bit foolish, only wearing a thin sweater when it was only going to get colder. He could already hear George reprimand him... In front of Burr, nonetheless. He felt like a fifteen-year-old who didn't want his mother wiping his face in front of his friends. 

"Coffee... With milk... Double espresso." Came the deep voice of the barista. Alex moved as if he were on autopilot, and without looking anywhere but his warm coffee, he reached out to grab it... 

And promptly touched hands with someone else. 

Maybe that's why Alex didn't want to believe that Thomas was capable of hurting him. Even Alex had to admit, for all of his cynical views of the world and mankind in general... The moment that he met hands with Thomas reminded him of those cheesy rom-coms Peggy would have him watch. The moment that the couple would touch hands and there was a spark. 

But in that moment, there wasn't much of a spark. Alex narrowed his eyes at the stranger who was trying to grab his coffee and pointed to the name that was sprawled on the cup. It was misspelled 'Alexandre' but he couldn't complain, it reminded him of the way his mother would say his name. "Are you Alexander too?" 

"Oh. No. I'm sorry." Thomas had smirked, and Alex had narrowed his eyes even more. He had smirked... As if he had purposefully tried to grab Alex's coffee and this was just the punchline. "Looks like we have the same coffee order, Alexandre." Thomas had smiled, pointing to the name on the cup. 

"Adorable." Alex had drawled. 

Alex had taken the cup and left, grabbing a small straw on his way out. Wouldn't it have been nice if it just ended there, if he had left the coffee shop that he barely went to anymore and never paid Thomas another thought again. Wouldn’t it be nice if he was just a no-name who almost stole his coffee on once chilly, December morning? 

But that wasn't the case because Jefferson was chasing after him... "Hey... Wait!" 

Alex turned on his heel, nearly fast enough to go tumbling over if he wasn't for Jefferson grabbing a hold of his upper arm before he could fall straight on his ass. "Can I help you?" 

"Alexandre... That's French, right?" He said, breathless. Alex, for a second, thought that it was kind of cute that he would chase him all the way down the street just to ask him if his name was French. He couldn't help the small smile that graced his lips. 

He looked at the cup and then back at Thomas, his smile soon fading. "You came all the way out here just to ask me if my name is french... And it's not. My name is Alexander. My mom used to call me Alexandre." 

"Is she French?" Thomas asked. 

Alex blinked rapidly, because what was up with this guy and his obsession with France. "I'm from the Carribean. Nevis. She spoke some French, but mostly Spanish." 

Thomas nodded, as if it were the most interesting thing in the entire world. Alex looked down at his watch and tried to squeeze past Thomas. "It was nice talking to you...?" 

"Thomas." 

"...Thomas. But I have to get to work." Alex smiled politely. 

"One more thing." Thomas said, and Alex's eyes widened in shock as Thomas slipped off his coat and handed it to Alex, who was now looking at the garment that was bound to be way too big for his scrawny frame. 

Much to Alex's dismay, Thomas began to walk away from him. Alex stood dumbfounded at the fancy black coat that was now in his hands. "W-Wait a minute! What the hell?" 

"You're going to catch your death!" Thomas smiled, and he was luckily wearing a pretty thick sweater underneath, but that didn't stop Alex from protesting. 

"Uhh... What do I do when I'm done?" He asked. 

Thomas stopped and shrugged. "Give it back." 

"I don't even know you!" Alex called as the man walked away. 

"Then check the pocket!" He watched as the man got into his own car and began to drive off. Alex mumbled to himself, but slipped on the coat that was WAY too big for him like he predicted. He frowned as he dug through the pockets, and sure enough his hand grabbed hold of a slip of paper... Or a receipt. The name 'Thomas' was sprawled on the back, and a phone number was written directly under it. 

That smug asshole had been flirting with him the entire time. Alex couldn't help the small smile that went across his face when it set in that someone had actually been flirting with him. 

It hadn't occurred to him that Thomas would bring nothing but hurt. 

But if had known what he knew now... 

Maybe he could have stopped it. 

X 

John felt weak in his knees after that incredibly long shift. He'd done everything there was too be done, but it soon became apparent that Alex only wanted John to be near- as his bruised hands refused to stop holding onto John's, and John was rendered quite useless. 

"John..." A fellow nurse had said quickly as she tried stabilize his neck, and stop him from doing any more damage to his lungs. John had been so preoccupied on his beaten face that he nearly didn't look up, until she called his name again. "Keep him calm. We can't risk him moving anymore and he seems to have taken a liking to you." 

It had seemed like forever before the physician had come running in, and John could breathe a sigh of relief. But he had only become more nervous when the damage became clear. 

"A collapsed lung, broken ribs, broken nose, severe concussion..." A fellow nurse had whispered to him. "Whoever did this did a number on his left arm. Not to mention... Internal damage. Most of this stuff is old too, someone was beating this poor boy." 

John's throat felt dry as he nodded, as if he were simply gossiping with a fellow nurse about a person he would never have to think about again outside from an emergency patient. But he had known about this... He had talked to Alex before. 

He felt sick. He had never known that it was this bad. 

This guilt led to him making his way up to the ICU, the next day... On his day off. He was lucky that Hercules and Lafayette were away the night before, when he came home from work. They were his lovely, almost annoyingly dotting best friends... But they had told him that this would only lead to hurt, and they had been right. 

He had picked up flowers and a 'get well soon' card as if that would help. He couldn't write a card that said: 'sorry that I only sent you text messages and made no real move to get you away from your abusive boyfriend and now you have more injuries than I can count. Get well soon'... So, this one would have to do. 

He didn't know many nurses in the ICU, other than the ones that were there when he handed someone off after working on them in the emergency room. The ICU was never for him, if he was being honest. But his knowledge of where his patients went after the emergency room, made it easy to locate Alex's room without having to ask one of the nurses in the front. 

He stopped in the doorway when he saw Eliza holding onto Alex's hand. She looked a mess, with her hair tangled and her eyes red and tired. He felt so badly for her. He barely knew Alex, and he felt sad... But she was his best friend, and he couldn't imagine how she felt. 

He was about ready to walk out but then she looked up and saw him. "John... Are you here to... Well, you're not wearing your scrubs." She mumbled almost incoherently. 

"I'm here... As a friend." John said lamely. 

"Of course." Eliza nodded tearfully, and there was no accusation in her voice. John could tell she was genuinely sweet woman as she let go of Alex's hand for just a moment, in order to pull another chair by his bedside. 

John set the flowers down next to, what he assumed, were Eliza's gifts. He sat down next to Eliza and they both grew quiet as they took in his face. John felt his stomach do a weird backwards flip. He had never really put a face to Alex's name. He didn't know what Alex looked like... His skin color... If he was blonde with blue eyes. 

How could anyone hurt him? He was small and short, maybe shorter than John by a few inches. His skin was an olive color, and his dark hair was spread under him on the pillow. John knew that if he opened his eyes, they would no doubt be a dark brown that he could get lost in. 

Eliza spoke, as if reading John's mind. "How could anyone hurt him, John?" 

John looked at hurt, and she pressed a shaking hand over her mouth before continuing. "He changed... So much when he met him. He used to be so assertive, so suspicious of people he didn't know. He would rant until he couldn't speak if he didn't agree with you... And... He was such a fierce friend. He would stand up to people who were a foot taller than he was." 

"He can come back to you." John said quietly. "I'm sure of it." 

Eliza nodded but she looked unsure as she looked down at Alex. "He just became quiet and... Submissive almost. When I came back from London, I felt as if I'd lost him while I was gone. Then I saw T-Thomas grab a hold of his arm and just pull him... And I knew... John. I knew. But I didn't do anything." 

She seemed to be speaking the words that had been echoing through John's mind. He had known as well... More than he would like to admit, and what did he do? 

"Even worse... I blamed h-him." Eliza whispered, and she pressed her hand against her mouth again as she broke down in sobs. "Oh... God... I blamed him. I asked him how he would let someone do this to him, but I wasn't there. I was in London. With my family, and I made friends. And he was alone." 

Although John didn't know Eliza, he pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried. He couldn't help the tears that fell down his face. 

"I don't know what we're going to do, when he gets out of here." Eliza whispered. "Thomas knows where Alex used to live, where I live... He would look for him there. He even knows where Alex's parents live." 

"Let's not think about that now." John whispered. "He's safe now. He's safe here." 

That seemed to calm Eliza down, and John watched Alex's chest rise and fall. There seemed to a small smile on his face, and John hoped that he was dreaming. 

He hoped it was a good memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment! And thank you for all of the your kind comments. I'll answer all 48 comments in my inbox tomorrow, I'm going to make myself a cup of cocoa and answer them all. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For once in his adult life, Alex feels safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo~ Can you believe I actually got this chapter out early in the week instead of like on a SUNDAY? I know.. me neither. This chapter is a bit happier, but there's still that guilt you know. Alex feels bad. EVERYONE else feels bad that Alex feels bad. Alex feels bad that everyone else feels bad about him feeling bad. BUT there is underlying happiness. 
> 
> YA girl, Jennifer has a date on the 15th. Can you believe that someone has a crush on this awkward bean? We went to high school together and we didn't talk much but every time he would see me he would say 'ahh.. a munchkin.' TURNS OUT, he's always thought I was cute. So now I just gotta remind myself not to talk about Hamilton.. or all of the other things I like. Save that for if he becomes my boyfriend. 
> 
> ALTERNATE TITLES FOR THIS CHAPTER: 
> 
> -Everyone feels bad: An American Musical   
> -John Laurens is an awkward bean  
> -ALEX YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG IN THIS FIC , BE QUIET!   
> -Jennifer knows how to nurse: An American Musical  
> -HOSPITAL FOOD, AMIRITE?: AN AMERICAN MUSICAL  
> -STOP SAYING AN AMERICAN MUSICAL: AN AMERICAN MUSICAL

The first thing that registered in Alex's brain when he opened his eyes, was that it was so damn bright. He wasn't used to the room being this bright. In fact, the apartment he shared with Thomas seemed almost too dark... The second thing that registered was that he may actually be dead. 

He was almost for certain that this was the 'bright-light' scenario that people described when they died... But isn't there supposed to be no pain when you die? He almost felt like his entire body was on fire. His arm hurt, his head... His abdomen. 

"Good morning, sweetheart." A sweet voice said quietly, and despite the pain Alex turned his head slowly to find a kind-looking blonde girl standing beside his bed. "You've been asleep for quite some time." 

Alex merely hummed, and watched as the woman adjusted his iv drip. He still felt sluggish and exhausted, and dreaded when he was actually able to get a good look at his face- it was no doubt disgusting. 

The nurse lifted up an eyelid, and warned him before quickly shining a light in his eyes, and then ordering him to follow its direction. She seemed satisfied with her findings as she backed away and put a gentle hand on Alex's shoulder. "Can you tell me your name?" 

"Alexander Hamilton." 

"Year?" 

"2017." He said slowly. 

"Do you know where you are?" 

"I'm at the hospital." He said slowly, because it was just now starting to sink in. Thomas had beaten him within an inch of his life, and he was in the hospital. He would have to tell the police about everything... They would make him testify against Thomas. Alex's name would be trash... Thomas would send him back to Nevis. 

He could feel his breathing increase and the nurse must have noticed because she looked at him, concerned. "How would you rate your pain on a scale of one to ten?" 

He frowned. "A four." 

She gave him a look; he looked down at his hands and shrugged. "A seven, actually." 

She seemed pleased with his answer. "Okay, sweetie. I'll get you some pain medicine and the get out of your hair. Make sure to tell me when you're in pain, so it doesn't get too bad." 

Alex nodded, and noticed the large amounts of flowers and cards on the table across from him. Not to mention a plethora of stuffed animals that seemed like a small zoo. He smiled, realizing that they were no doubt from his friends. 

"You have a lot of people who love you, Alex." The nurse smiled. 

"Yeah... I do." He said slowly. 

X 

He wasn't sure the time in between when the nurse gave him more morphine and when he woke up for the second time, but there was someone running a finger over his knuckles when he woke up again. His vision was blurry, but there was a hand against his cheek- and he smiled into it. It was comfortable, and he felt like a child again. 

"Mom..." He whispered, incoherently. He felt somewhat embarrassed when his vision finally cleared and he saw that it was Angelica rubbing his cheek, and Eliza holding onto his hand- Peggy was tucked between them, staring at Alex fondly. 

"You woke up without us, baby boy." Angelica said, and it was now that Alex could see the tears streaming down her cheeks. It was a rare occasion that Angelica cried so openly, and he couldn't tell if she was crying because she was happy or because she was distressed. 

Alex smiled and shrugged. "Always have to be difficult." 

His eyes landed on Peggy who seemed to be doing a lot better. He smiled at the youngest sister. "I'm glad you're doing okay, Peg. I'm sorry that I had to take away all of the attention." 

Peggy glared at him playfully. "Don't apologize, it's not like you meant..." She stopped mid-sentence. Alex knew what she was going to say, but he also knew that it would lead to an almost too awkward discussion about how he got in this situation in the first place. 

"Don't beat around the bush." Alex shrugged, looking down at his arm that was wrapped in a plaster cast, in a sling. "This is my fault. I should have..." Alex could feel the damn tears already gathering in his eyes, and his mouth felt too dry to form words. "I should have left." 

"It wasn't your fault, love." Eliza spoke up. "You never asked him to hurt you like this, and by the time it happened- he already had you in his clutches. I should have never made you feel like this was somehow your fault." 

Angelica ran a finger over his cheek, to catch a tear Alex didn't even know he shed. "There is only one person at fault here, and it's that fuck that put you in this hospital bed." 

Alex chuckled at Angelica's notorious bluntness. "Angie, don't make me laugh... My ribs hurt." 

"If I catch him on the street, I can't promise that he'll come out unhurt." Angelica added. 

"We've started a girl gang just to put him to justice." Peggy smirked. 

Alex rolled his eyes, as Eliza reminded Peggy that she too just got released from the hospital, so she wasn't in the best place to start a girl gang. He wet his lips, trying to quench his thirst but not wanting to interrupt his friends. 

"I'll go see if I can find the nurse, and get you something to drink." Angelica said, getting up from her seat and leaving the room-taking Peggy with her. 

It was just him and Eliza, and Alex couldn't help his gaze from falling on his closest friend. He loved her... Everything about her. It was a platonic love- an admiration. But sometimes he couldn't help but wonder what would have become of him if he had gone to London too- if he had gone with his friends instead of staying behind. 

"What am I going to do when I leave here?" Alex whispered. "Where will I go?" 

Eliza looked over at him and frowned, and he knew that she didn't have the answer. "I don't know Alex. But we'll figure it out. You still have a few more weeks here, and then maybe you can stay with me or Angelica." 

"He knows where you live..." Alex pointed out. "I won't let you get hurt, because of me." 

Eliza pressed a kiss against his forehead. "Alex, why don't you tell the police." 

"Eliza-" 

"We have the pictures, the hospital records... The doctors wanted to inform the police." Eliza explained, and she lowered her voice as if she were telling him a secret. "There's a police report, and we just need to give a name to these bruises." 

"If I tell them, it will ruin my life... He'll hurt everyone I love, Eliza." Alex explained. "H-He'll get away, and he'll hurt me. He'll send me back to the Caribbean." 

"Alex..." Eliza said slowly, and he could see the hurt in her face. He knew that it hurt her to see just how much Thomas had convinced him that he would never go away. He had convinced Alex that he would never leave him. 

"Please, Liza." Alex whimpered. 

"Okay." Eliza said softly, grabbing a hold of his hand. "I won't force you." 

X 

The girls left about an hour later, and Alex was once again left all alone. The nurse who was in charge of him finally convinced him to eat something, even if it was little. She informed him that he was slightly underweight, and he hadn't even been aware. Thomas had convinced him that he was getting chubbier by the day, and he had started to believe him. 

He was expecting to be alone for the rest of the night, as he picked at his food and every once in a while looked up at whatever CNN was talking about. He would frown and mutter to himself at the political situation America was going through. 

"Am I interrupting something?" Someone said slowly. 

Alex looked up, and he must have been a sight to behold, with salad sticking out his mouth, and his fork still pointing at the television as if he was trying to lecture someone. He was pretty sure the person standing at the door, with flowers in his hands, was John... AKA, the person he had been texting for the past months.

He was the type of guy that Alex would describe as 'out of his league', with his curly hair tied back in a ponytail and scrubs that couldn't hide the fact that he was not lacking in lean muscle. Alex swallowed his food slowly and set his fork down. "I'm... Just watching television." 

John smiled and set the flowers down by the large garden that Alex was growing in his hospital room, and Alex grinned. "So, you're the one who has been turning my room into a greenhouse." 

John chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Guilty as charged... Do you mind if I take a seat and keep you company- because... I would understand if, like- Well, we technically don't KNOW each other and I-uh..." 

"John." Alex smiled. "You're way too awkward for someone who saved my life." 

John's cheeks turned red and Alex thought that it was adorable, and John seemed a bit too excited as he pulled a chair up by Alex's bed. Alex briefly remembered how kind John was the night he was rushed to the hospital. Alex could still feel John's hands rubbing his head, despite the blood. The only person who was keeping him calm through the pain. 

"I'm glad we can meet in person, although the circumstances aren't ideal." John said slowly. "I just got off of my shift and I figured that I would come up here and see you, because it's what I've been doing for the past few days." 

"You have?" Alex smiled. 

"Yeah." John shrugged, and smiled down at his hands. "You're good company." 

Alex picked at his food. "I hope that I can live up to unconscious Alex's company." 

They grew quiet, but it wasn't so much of an awkward silence as it was just a pause in the conversation. Alex felt almost uncomfortably full as he picked at his food, and John was kind enough to take the tray from him and set it on the counter by the sink. 

John looked conflicted when he sat back down. "Hey- so I'm sorry... That I didn't call the police or anything. It's been eating at me for a while." 

Alex looked at John, and found that he looked genuinely hurt. He looked like he could cry, so Alex didn't feel any guilt when he grabbed a hold of John's hand. "It's okay. I hate that I've made everyone feel guilty over me..." 

"You shouldn't feel bad." John shook his head. "You're the one who got hurt here... And there were many times someone could have intervened. You don't have to blame any of us, but you shouldn't feel like it's your fault." 

Alex smiled at that, as he rested his head against the pillow. He appreciated John's words as they eased back into the comfortable silence. They stayed like that for a while, John simply telling Alex about his day and Alex drifting to sleep. It was nice. He felt safe. 

He hadn't felt safe in so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment, because I love them. I WENT through the bajillion unanswered comments and answered. I didn't answer all of the ones on NTYH and my other older fics, because there were a lot. Just know I love you even if I didn't answer. 
> 
> FUNNY STORY: One time I asked this lil old lady who was the president, because I gotta ask three questions to see if everything is okay in their noggin and she said.. "I don't want to talk about that orange monster."


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets a few visitors; John asks his roommates for a BIG favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER (dead meme. try again). ANYWAY, sorry I didn't update all last week. I was in Chicago during the weekend (that's right BOI'S HAMCHI). I loved it. It was great. It was amazing. I was SHOOKETH. TBH, I would have loved to see the OBC of Hamilton, because Lin and Pippa ESPECIALLY (because all of them do) own this ass, but it was amazing nonetheless. 
> 
> During the week I went school shopping, and FUNNY STORY, got injured. I was trying on jeans (the only size 7 they had left) and it was a TRAP. One of those anti-theft things had been tampered with and I was stabbed in my right butt cheek. I cried. There was blood. My grandma was angry. 
> 
> BUT we got the clothes 50% off, so what a deal. Thanks butt-cheek!

Alex was well enough to be transferred out of the ICU in just a few short days, but unfortunately his hospital stay didn't end there. The doctor insisted that he stay just short of a week in order to monitor the internal damage he had suffered, along with the broken ribs. Although Alex soon found himself somewhat stir crazy, he was deep down very grateful. He felt safe in the hospital, as if he couldn't be hurt here. 

He was never really alone; if it wasn't Angelica, Eliza, or Peggy (or all three of them) then John would usually stop by to tell Alex about his day- and share the awful hospital food with him. If he had fallen asleep, then he would usually wake up with one of them next to him; they would be on their phone or watching whatever was on the television. 

So, Alex didn't find anything out of the ordinary when Eliza came walking in one afternoon, all smiles and presents as she set another stuffed animal by his bedside. He looked at her in amusement when she struggled to find a spot to put the stuffed lion and ended up putting it on top of the stuffed hippo Peggy had brought in that morning. 

"When you leave we're going to have boxes to take all of these gifts with us, you spoiled boy." Eliza chuckled as she went around the hospital bed and took her usual place beside Alex. It was then he noticed that she was holding a bag, and scooted up in his bed to get a good look. 

"What do you have there, Liza?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Okay, I was growing tired of you complaining about having nothing to do but die of boredom- as you put it..." Eliza said slowly, lifting the bag up. "And I had been saving some money up anyway- so with the help of Angelica and one 'Nurse John'..." 

Alex blushed at that, but he couldn't help the smile that formed on his face as Eliza pulled out a new laptop from the bag. The smile soon fell, as he furrowed his eyebrows together. "Eliza, you didn't have to buy me a new laptop." 

"Oh, hush." Eliza said, sticking her tongue out at Alex playfully. "I wanted to buy you something nice, because you're always complaining about how absolutely bored you are." 

She set the laptop on Alex's lap as he opened it up to take a look. It was definitely one of the newest things he had ever owned. Before things had gone... Sour... Thomas had tried to buy new things for him all of the time, growing somewhat exasperated when Alex refused. Growing up, his mother had hated people buying stuff for her. She accepted clothes for her two sons, and that was all. 

"In plus, I didn't know if you still had that old laptop from college or not-" 

"I don't." Alex said quickly. "Thomas broke it. He was angry." 

Alex's voice sounded robotic to his own ears. No longer was he sad or angry, but slowly accepting the fact that all he had gotten out of that relationship was pain. Although, he could still feel an aching in his chest, and a feeling that maybe he wasn't meant to be loved at all. 

Eliza quickly put her hand on top of his, and she smiled when Alex squeezed back. She took a deep breath before speaking. "So, on my way up here- I ran into some people." 

Alex's eyes widened and Eliza spoke quickly to correct herself. "I-It's no one bad, Alex. I promise... It's just... Well, George and Martha really want to see you, Alex. When you were in surgery- I called them because I wanted to make sure that they were here for you." 

Alex nodded. He wasn't angry at all- in fact, he was relieved. He hadn't gathered the courage yet to call Martha or George. The last time he had talked to them, he had pushed them away completely. He knew he owed them an apology, but he didn't quite know how to explain himself. 

Before he could respond to Eliza, there was a gentle knock on the door. Alex turned his head, and wasn't surprised to see George and Martha standing there. They both looked nervous, and Alex found it kind of funny to see his serious adopted father standing in the doorway with a get-well soon balloon, and (another) teddy bear. He could see the small tremors in his adopted mother's hands, as she practically itched to pull Alex into her arms. 

Eliza pressed a kiss on Alex's forehead before excusing herself out of the room, in order to give George and Martha the space that they needed. As soon as she left, Martha practically raced over, pulling Alex into her arms and pressing a ridiculous number of kisses to his cheeks. 

"You're very popular, son." George chuckled as he tied the balloon to one of the hospital chairs. 

"Barely." Alex responded, with a playful eye-roll. "They're all from the same people. I think they feel like they need a present in order to get permission to enter." 

Martha pulled away, and it was then that Alex realized that she was crying. He swallowed a lump in his throat; he hated when she cried, but she tried to hide her tears as she held onto Alex's hand. "How are you feeling, baby? I hope they're feeding you- you look too skinny." 

Alex smiled and shook his head. He tried to get rid of the voice, that sounded oddly like Thomas', telling him that it wasn't true. "Of course, they're feeding me, ma. It's a hospital." 

"Alex, son, I'm so sorry..." George whispered. "I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I knew that something was up, and I didn't reach out until it was too late. I scared you away." 

Alex shook his head, smiling gently. Truth be told, he was growing somewhat tired of everyone blaming themselves for what they should have done. Alex just wanted to be done with this part already. But he knew that his adopted father meant well, and it was something that he had to get off his chest. 

"It's okay. I was too scared to call you- I didn't know how to apologize for how I treated both of you. I know you just wanted what's best for me, like always." Alex explained. 

They both grew quiet until Martha spoke up. "I'll tell you one thing, if I ever find Thomas on the street I'm going to kick his ass." 

Alex couldn't help the choked laugh he let out at his adopted mother's sudden talk of violence. He then looked at George, who was currently fussing over whether or not he was comfortable enough with the blankets. 

"Um... About my job..." Alex trailed off. 

George gave him a stern look before gently clapping him on the shoulder. "Enough worrying about your job, my boy. I couldn't replace you even if I wanted to. No one works as hard as you, and everyone misses you- even Burr. You just worry about getting better." 

Alex smiled, and he felt like a huge weight was off of his chest. "Thank you." 

X

After his adopted parents left, it didn't take long for John to come in- dragging his feet behind him after a long day. He set his bag down, and (surprise) put yet ANOTHER stuffed animal (a little elephant) next to Alex's growing zoo of wild animals, domestic animals, and even farm animals. 

Alex smiled at John as he set his laptop to the side, and tucked his feet underneath him in order to get more comfortable. "Rough day?" 

John nodded and pulled the comfortable chair up next to Alex's bedside and slouched down pressing his head against the cushion. "The worst day. Did you know that a little old woman can throw a bedpan pretty hard against the wall?" 

"Better than your head, though." Alex smiled. 

John sighed. "You have me there... How was your day, hope it was more interesting than mine." 

"WAY more interesting. I took a rousing walk around the unit today, played a nice game of words with friends, and ate an amazing turkey sandwich. Also, I watched about six hours of crime dramas so I'm scared of everything and everyone now." Alex explained. 

John nodded towards to the laptop that was still resting on his bed. "Do you like it?" 

"I love it. I can finally write now which is something I haven't been able to do for a while." Alex explained, but he soon gave John a withering look. "But you didn't have to help buy me a laptop, I didn't expect a gift of some sort." 

"I wanted to do it, so no complaining." John said sternly. "Just see it as a token of friendship." 

Alex couldn't help the sheepish grin that came across his face. He hadn't had another male friend for a while, ever since he started dating Thomas. He wouldn't really consider Burr a friend, although they had shared a lunch that one time when Alex was out of cash and Aaron was feeling particularly giving. 

"Well you're a very good friend, John." Alex responded, yawning and resting his head against his pillow. 

"I can't stay for long... I have to go pick up cat food for my roommates'. They treat the kitten like an actual child so if I wait until tomorrow they'll accuse me of child endangerment or something." John explained, rolling his eyes. 

"They sound fun." Alex smiled. "I bet they keep you entertained." 

"Entirely." John stated. "Same time tomorrow?" 

"I'll be here... As cute as ever." Alex smiled. 

The room was quiet once Alex left, and it took about ten minutes for him to realize that John had left his bag beside his bed. He rolled his eyes before reaching across the bed in order to grab his phone, and send a quick text to John in order to remind him. He hoped that John hadn't had time to make it to his car before he sent the text. 

He rubbed his eyes before placing his laptop on the chair, and pulling the blanket up to his chin. He knew the nurse would be in there soon to take his vitals so there wasn't much use in falling asleep, since he would just be woken up anyway. 

Nevertheless, he turned his head away from the door, his gaze falling to John's lone backpack. He couldn't help but smile to himself when he heard slowly footsteps going down the hallway and stopping just at his doorway. 

"Back already?" Alex smirked. "You know, for a nurse you truly are forgetful." 

"...Nice to see you again." 

Alex's heart dropped, and he was quite sure if he had been attached to a heart monitor, his heart rate would have spiked. That wasn't John. It was a voice he hoped that he would never have to hear again. When he turned his head, his fears were proven to be true. 

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked, and his voice shook but he tried to ease some of the tension in his shoulders to no avail. He could feel his fingers going numb by how tightly he was gripping onto the blanket. 

"Just checking up on the love of my life, silly." Thomas chuckled as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Alex couldn't help but gasp when Thomas placed a hand against his cheek. "I really did a number on you, didn't I? Maybe the bat was a bit of an overkill..." 

Alex's hand struggled behind him, as he tried to grasp for the call button. Thomas seemed to realize this. When he saw that Alex had a hold of it, in a flash, he was ripping it from Alex's hands and throwing it down on the floor. "You think you can get rid of me? Just because you're here? Just because you've got someone new to fuck... Who buys you nice things?" 

"You have ten seconds to get the hell out of this room before I get security." A new voice snapped, and Alex let out a breath of relief when he realized that it was John. "Or before I change my mind and kick your ass all together." 

Thomas turned on his heel, his attention momentarily away from Alex. John was a good foot shorter than Thomas but he still stood his ground. It was clear that he was trying to get his attention away from Alex. It seemed to work, as Thomas sized him up. 

"I'll leave." Thomas said, almost too easily. "But Alex, babe. You'll never get away from me. No matter where you go. I'll find you. Don't forget that." 

"Leave." John snapped. 

Thomas did so, without another look at Alex. Right when he left the room, all of the tension left Alex's body. Unfortunately, so did his composure. It was like someone broke the flood gates, because before he knew it, he could hardly breath. 

He didn't know he was sobbing until John pulled him in his arms. "He'll find m-me. He will." 

John tried to calm him, but he knew that the seed was already planted. 

X 

John, in the end, didn't end up getting the kitten food for Lafayette and Hercules. Although, he had a good reason. He had to make sure to tell the night nurse that there were only a handful of people who could permitted to go to Alex's room, which led to a discussion with security and sly smirks from the nurses who wanted to know just WHY John was so protective of the boy from the room by the nurse's station. 

The next task was to call Alex's adopted parents, who had no qualms about coming to the hospital that late at night if it meant that Alex could sleep soundly. John was pretty sure if Thomas did try to get back into Alex's room he wouldn't stand a chance between both Martha and George. 

Which led to his next task... 

His two roommates sat in front of him, both of them just being woken up by John's urgent request of a 'very important roommate meeting'. 

John took a deep breath... 

"How would you guys feel about another roommate?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this wasn't the best chapter, because I had to re-write it about 100 times. ANYWAY, bad news: my classes start next week, so I'm going to be taking the week off to get my shit in order. I need to get a feel for my classes and my clinicals. This also means that we will be going back to mainly weekend updates. 
> 
> ~Alternate title names~
> 
> -JUST EXCEPT THE PRESENT ALEX  
> -GEORGE AND MARTHA LOVE THEIR LIL SON SO MUCH AND JUST WANT TO PROTECT HIM  
> -MARTHA IS LIKE FIVE FEET BUT SHE'LL KICK YOUR ASS IF YOU EVEN TRY TO LAY A FINGER ON HER BABY SO HELP HER GOD  
> -THOMAS JEFFERSON IS BACK.. THIS TIME WITH 100X MORE REASON TO DROWN HIM IN A RIVER  
> -JOHN IS SMOL BUT HE WILL FIGHT  
> -ELIZA IS STILL PERFECT PART 1,000
> 
> Leave me a comment, like always! I love reading them.


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex makes a big decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GAHH. I am so sorry for the like random 1 month hiatus I went on, and even more sorry when I say I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again. I have been so OVERWHELMED ever since my classes started again. I'm currently on my OB rotation, so I am working 12 hour shifts and by the time they're finished I'm exhausted. My grades are really good right now, and I think it's because I distanced myself from social media- I even deleted my tumblr. 
> 
> I will try to update more, but it may be more sporadic. I'll definitely update more over my break, and thank you so much for your patience.

There was a moment of silence before Lafayette or Hercules responded, and John couldn't help but close his eyes in anticipation as he was almost certain that they were going to respond with a strict 'No', and come up with some excuse about how it was detrimental to the bonding process with stray cat that they had currently adopted. 

Much to his surprise, Lafayette had looked at Hercules and shrugged, before taking a sip of the tea that John had brewed just before he initiated this conversation. "I do not see why not. It would be good, yes? With me and Herc being madly in love, you've been quite alone." 

John couldn't help the eye roll. There were a lot of things in Lafayette's statement that was simply not true, and he decided to call out the one that stuck out first. "Okay, for one, I'm NOT alone... So, jot that one down... And two, Alex just needs a place to stay. He's terrified and this prick knows where he lives- knows where his friends live." 

Lafayette nodded sheepishly, perhaps feeling a bit guilty that he had insinuated that there may have been anything going on between Alex and John. The two hardly knew each other, and even if Alex's eyes seemed to pierce every nerve in John's body (he was admittedly... Very cute.), it didn't matter. Alex had received enough insidious attention from men, and John wasn't about to make Alex feel as if he was simply going to be another Thomas. 

"Are you sure he'll even want to stay with us, John?" Hercules asked slowly. "I mean, I'm a pretty big guy- and Laf is pretty tall. You said this guy is tiny. Won't he just be scared?" 

John wore his lip between his teeth. It was probably true, and he hadn't passed this through with Alex yet, or even Eliza. For all he knew, Alex could burst into tears the moment John suggests it. But it was worth a try- anything to keep his new friend safe. 

"He'll be safer this way." John explained. "You didn't see the way the bastard looked at him- if I hadn't come in when I did, he would have just hurt Alex more. And Alex... He looked terrified. I've talked to his friends, and they said that before this ass came into his life, he was brave and lively." 

"You think you can help him become that person again?" Lafayette questioned, with no contempt in his voice. 

"I can try." 

X 

John was lucky to have the next day off, and he made sure to get to Alex's hospital room as soon as he could. He reminded himself not to make a stop at the gift store on his way in. He wasn't sure that Alex's room could hold anymore stuffed animals, or if Alex would simply go crazy with all of the plastic eyes staring back at him. 

He was very surprised to see a tired looking Eliza leaning against the wall, just outside of Alex's room. He stopped to greet her, as he went to make his way inside. 

"He didn't sleep at all last night." Eliza mumbled, and he could hear the desperation in her voice as she rubbed her eye with one hand and took a sip of the coffee she was holding in the other one. "He's getting a psych evaluation... He kept scratching at himself without even knowing it. They said that if he doesn't stop, they may have to- to restrain him." 

John placed a hand on Eliza's shoulder. He knew how hard it was for family members and friends to see their loved ones restrained. He also knew how hard it was for nurses to restrain patients. It had always made him feel like he was participating in some archaic practice, even if it was for their own good. "If he's a danger to himself, then-" 

"I know." Eliza sighed, and he could see her eyes become watery. "I'm just really tired." 

John sighed and then looked around. There was no one else here for Alex, except Eliza. He figured that the others had been busy, and Alex's parents were most likely working. They'd been by his side for a while now, so they deserved a bit of a break. So did Eliza. 

"Why don't you call your sister and have her drive you home?" John offered. 

Eliza considered it and just shook her head. "I couldn't do that to him. He's terrified, and whose to stop that prick from coming back to hurt him." 

"Eliza, you're a wonderful friend and I can tell." John smiled gently, squeezing the petite girl's shoulder as she wearily looked over at Alex's room. "But you know that you're not helping him if you're exhausted physically and emotionally. You’ve done so much for him, and you deserve a break. I'll stay here and keep him company. No one will hurt him." 

John knew what Eliza was doing, deep down. He knew that this was Eliza's own way of punishing herself for not being there when Alex needed her the most. He also knew that no matter how much he tried to convince her there was nothing she could have done, he was little help. 

"You promise you'll stay?" Eliza said slowly, holding out her pinky. 

John chuckled and wrapped her pinky around hers. "I promise." 

X 

The doctor came out minutes after Eliza left, and he looked up at John and nodded when he recognized him. John was somewhat flabbergasted when the doctor immediately started telling him of his findings with Alex's psych evaluations. HIPPA was one hell of a rule, and it surprised John that he had just assumed that John was close to Alex. 

"He seems to be developing a severe case of PTSD, which is normal for someone who went through what he did. I've informed his family, and I think it's for the best that we restrain him for a couple hours." The doctor explained. "He's subconsciously scratching himself, and he could end up with an infection, or tugging his IV out." 

John nodded and the doctor bid him goodbye without another word, leaving John to peek into the room where Alex seemed to staring at the wall. John walked in slowly, trying not to startle him. Alex turned his head when he saw John, smiling. 

"I'm a danger to myself." Alex shrugged, letting out a bitter laugh. "Who knew?"   
John smiled back, and took a seat beside Alex. "It's only for a couple hours. They don't want you pulling that IV out of your arm." 

Alex nodded his understanding, and turned his gaze back to the television that was still turned off. John couldn't decide if he should turn it on for Alex, or let him continue to gaze at the black television screen. There were a few minutes of silence, before Alex spoke again. 

"Every time I think of him... I itch." Alex said slowly. "I just keep thinking about how I let him touch me- all over. I let him do things to me, even when I didn't really want it." 

John stayed silent. He'd learned a lot in his years as a nurse, and one of those was the fact that sometimes silence was better than speaking. 

"So, who is to say, I didn't let him do this?" Alex said, and his voice was more of a whisper. The most concerning thing, was that Alex didn't blink, the only change in his facial expression was the slight furrow of his eyebrows. 

"You didn't let him do this to you, Alex." John said quietly. "He convinced you that he loved you, and that everything he did was your fault. But that isn't true. Someone in his life went wrong with him, but that isn't your fault." 

Alex licked his dry lips and closed his eyes. "But how many more people are going to hurt me because someone in their life went wrong with them." 

John chose his next words carefully. "My dad went wrong with me, and I could have let that hate and pain fester inside of me- but I did good. I decided that I wanted to help people, and not hurt people. That's the difference. Thomas, it's his own fault that he was so weak that he had to hurt people instead of doing good." 

Alex nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "But where will I go, John. He knows where to find me." 

"Stay with me." The words fell out quickly, and Alex's eyes widened and he could almost see him physically cringe away from John. He wanted to smack himself in the face; he knew better than to be so blunt. "I would never hurt you, and I have two roommates who are the nicest people in the world. Alex, I can protect you." 

Alex took a deep breath. "I feel safe with you..." He paused, and John could see him try to wring his hands together. "But can I think about it?" 

"Absolutely." John smiled. 

Alex smiled back, and John could see the way his eyes could barely keep open. "Go to sleep, Alex. I'll be right here." 

Alex nodded, and closed his eyes- but he spoke once more. 

"John?" 

"Yeah." 

"I think the only way to ever feel safe is if I press charges against Thomas." He said quietly. "Will you be there with me, because I don't know if I'm strong enough." 

"Absolutely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading :)


	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to the first time Alex's relationship with Thomas turned sour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO WHAT DID I MISS? WHAT DID I MISS.... *cue cute lil jazz tune* Hello, I am back. Thank you for all of your kind messages while I was away- and sorry I was away for so long. Also sorry that my great comeback is literally a flashback chapter- because I suck. JK. But seriously. This was necessary I think, but also I wanted to get something out there because I was gone for a little while. 
> 
> I lost someone dear to me, and I was very depressed for awhile. I'm seeing a therapist now, and I'm on new meds. I also am a SENIOR in college (OML). 
> 
> Ummmm... also ya girl saw Hamilton in Chicago on Saturday and it had me shook. 
> 
> Warnings: mentions of suicide, manipulative behavior from Thomas.

_Three years ago: Four months into the relationship_

X 

The first time Alex had seen the darker side of Thomas he had been utterly shocked. Thomas was usually all smiles- taking Alex to places he would never be able to afford by himself and telling him how he could write poetry just about his brown eyes. 

Thomas was perfect. But then again, in Alex's twenty-four years of life... Perfect only lasted so long until that little piece of tranquility shattered into a million pieces. 

This was the longest he had been genuinely happy since moving in with the Washington's and meeting Eliza. So far, he had been moving through life, head first. He had no time to stop and actually find someone to spend his time with. He had convinced himself that he was okay with being alone- he wasn't lonely. 

But then Thomas came along and gave him the affection that he hadn't even known that he needed. He hadn't realized how starved for touch he had actually been until Thomas came and wrapped Alex in his arms and it felt like he should have been there forever. 

Maybe that's why Alex was so quick to forgive. 

Alex hadn't known much about Thomas' life, which seemed a bit unfair in hindsight- because Thomas knew everything about Alex. He knew about Alex's life on Nevis, how he had written his way to New York, went through multiple foster homes until he finally found his perfect family. 

But Alex knew few things about Thomas; he knew that he was born into a well-to-do family and that he hadn't spoken to his father and mother for awhile. 

Alex's knowledge ended there. 

He had found out about Thomas's life in a less than ideal way. 

Thomas had surprised Alex with a text after work, telling him to wear something nice. Alex had stared at his phone in confusion for a few minutes before slowly walking into his room to make sure that he actually owned something nice. 

He hadn't known what to expect as he waited for Thomas outside of his apartment complex, and he found himself a bit embarrassed when Thomas was dressed better than he was. But Thomas was kind as he complimented Alex and acted like he hadn't just simply taken a shower and slipped on the nice suit he had bought like three years ago. 

In the end, it had been some sort of banquet in honor of Thomas and the charitable work he'd done for... orphans? (Alex honestly couldn't remember). All he could remember was that everyone looked so overdressed compared to him and some of the older ladies looked at him like he was a piece of garbage that Thomas had picked up. 

He had lost Thomas at some point. He had stood awkwardly in the room, trying to spot his boyfriend... And he couldn't stop the embarrassingly shrill noise that left his mouth when Thomas came up behind him and grabbed a hold of his arm. 

"There you are baby." Thomas slurred, and Alex couldn't help how he recoiled slightly at the strong smell of alcohol on his breath. "Thought you got lost." 

Alex let out a small chuckle and took a few steps away from Thomas; past experiences warned him that he didn't necessarily know how Thomas acted while drunk. He felt like a little boy again, watching from the closet as a drunk client got a little too handsy with his mother and slapped her across the face when she complained.

"I had to use the bathroom..." Alex trailed off. "When I came back you were gone." He hated how lame his voice sounded as he wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs, and uncharacteristically hugged himself- trying to hide from the scrutiny. 

"It's fine, it's fine." Thomas waved off his comment, but the look on his face told Alex that it wasn't entirely fine. Alexander tried not to stiffen up in Thomas' arms whenever he wrapped his hands around his body a bit too possessively; Alex was never a fan of public displays of affection. "There's some people I want you to meet." 

Alex couldn't even remember the names of the woman and the man he met, but they had both given Alex the infamous 'up and down' look and the guy had smirked. "Ah, Thomas you always like them scrappy, don't you?" 

If Alexander hadn't been so damn set on impressing Thomas- he would have asked the boy what the hell he meant. He was the same height as Alex, and definitely the kind of kid Alex would have gotten in a fight with in college; he turned his nose up at Alex and looked at him with judging eyes; Alex felt his skin crawl. 

Before he could say anything, his drunk date let out a boisterous laugh as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "Ah yes, Alex is pretty scrappy- I suppose it was his upbringing, you know." 

Alex felt his entire body run cold as he turned to look at Thomas, praying that he wouldn't continue what he was saying- but of course the world had a way of disappointing him. 

"He's from the Carribean- he was poor you know... Where were you from again, Alexander dear?" Thomas slurred. 

Alex's eyes widened before he looked down at his shoes, they were a bit rough looking which only furthered the idea that he did not belong here with these people. "Nevis... I'm from Nevis." 

"Oh my! Where the hurricane hit?" The woman gasped, and quite literally clutched her pearls that were on her chest. "Absolutely dreadful, those poor people. I donated as much money as possible of course." 

"Alexander was just a child in fact, he wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for-" 

Alex had heard enough he turned on his heel and walked away from the group, his heart beating in his chest as he pushed past one of the fancy waiters holding the skinny glasses of champagne that Alex couldn't even afford on his own. 

He ignored the sounds of Thomas calling his name as he hurried out of the building and into the fresh air. The angry tears streaming down his face embarrassed him as he swiped at them with his too-big jacket sleeve. 

He didn't even remember catching the late-night subway, but he did remember the pitying looks of a younger mother as he tried to keep a stiff upper lip. He had never enjoyed talking about his rocky past. He got where he was because he worked hard; he was not a charity case. 

He hardly ever told anyone about his life prior to coming to America, and he had only told Thomas because he trusted him... 

Alex trusted people too easily. 

When Alex got home, he tore off the suit like it was poison on his skin and put on his comfortable pajamas. 

He yearned for the days where he could call Eliza and cry to her about his failure of a love life, but Eliza was in London, and was no doubt at work or out with her sisters. She didn't need Alex calling from oceans away to cry about how some guy he liked embarrassed him in front of the snobbiest people he'd ever met. 

In the end he just curled up in a ball, trying to forget the night all together. He didn't even remember falling asleep. 

X 

The knock on the door pulled Alex from his sleep. He jumped up and blinked at the clock across from him... It was one in the morning. 

Alex muttered to himself while rubbing his eyes. He slowly walked to the door and looked through the peephole. 

He was surprised to see Thomas looking worse for wear on the other side. A part of him simply wanted to tell him to go away and forget about him all together, but he looked like a kicked puppy- and Alex could hear the sound of raindrops from the outside- and knew that he had come from the rain. 

He opened the door, and Thomas stepped in and wrapped his arms around Alex. "Alex I am so sorry- I should have never done that to you, baby." 

Alex stiffened in his arms, and gently pushed himself away from Thomas. He would not let someone hurt him and then expect forgiveness so easily. "You're damn right you shouldn't have. I told you about my past because I trusted you, and then you talk about me like I'm some kind of sideshow attraction?" 

"Alex please-" He said softly. 

"Thomas, no." Alex snapped. "I don't want to talk about this. Not now." 

"I need you to forgive me." Thomas pleaded. 

Alex rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "Thomas please just go. Let me just gather how I feel- because honestly you hurt me. I need time." 

Thomas was silent for a moment before backing up, and then Alex could see the tears stream down his face as he broke down in sobs. "I can't lose you, Alex. Not like I lost everyone else. I never wanted to be like my father, and I hate myself for what I did for you." 

Alex suddenly felt very exposed and he took one step towards Thomas and sighed. "Thomas-" 

Thomas grabbed a hold of his arms, and Alex almost winced as he dug his fingers into Alex's biceps- he tried to back up but Thomas just squeezed tighter. "You can't leave me like everyone else does Alex, please..." He let out a deep sob and shook his head. "I can't live if you leave me... I'll die." 

Alex's heart sank. He remembered being a little boy and finding his cousin's body swinging from the banister. He remembered how he had dropped his books and stared at him before running for help. He remembered the feeling that maybe he was the reason his cousin did it- maybe he couldn't deal with Alex. 

Maybe that was why, as Thomas sobbed into Alex's shoulder, he couldn't help but wrap his arms around Thomas. 

Maybe that is why, he gently shushed him and whispered promises that he wouldn't give up on him that easily. 

Maybe that's why he stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if that got a bit rushed at the end, I dealt with some horrible writers block when writing this and I wanted to finish it for you all so you knew I was still alive and also still in this fandom (hamilton is honestly my ride or die- i'm p extra). 
> 
> Please leave a comment!


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